Peace on Earth, Goodwill Towards Men

As you might imagine, things have been somewhat hectic here. That might account for the fact that I forgot to take my sleepy-time OTC meds. That’s the only way I can try and maintain a sleep schedule that matches the rest of the humans around me even though my condition predisposes me against that.

So when Maz heard a sound at 2:10AM and alerted the household, as he should, I was up for the rest of the night. I tried to get back to sleep, but the brain was working overtime. So, since I had moved my WiFi-equipped computer into the bedroom with me, I decided to check my email and write down my thoughts to post here. But when I got to my emails, I found something interesting.

I subscribe to a quote service that sends me liberty quotes by guys like Jefferson, Socrates, Adams, Cato, Locke, and Washington. So I was intrigued when I found an email of quotes by a guy named Jesus of Nazareth; I had to read them.

What I found was interesting. And, in my state of mind, I had a surprisingly different take than I had when I first read them years ago.

Let’s take a look at them:

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." -Holy Bible, Matthew 5:44.

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." -Holy Bible, Matthew 5:9.

Take a look at that second quote again. Who shall be called “the children of God?” The peacemakers, right? So the folks who aren’t peacemakers, the warmongers, can’t or won’t be called the children of God. With me so far? And all good Christians should want to be called “the children of God,” I should think. So, all good Christians should be peacemakers, right? Loving their enemies, blessing those who curse them, doing good to those that hate them, all that stuff.

So all those good Christians here in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave should be for Peace on Earth and have Goodwill towards all Men. Right? Am I missing something here?

Then why do we have troops in over 140 countries and are engaged in two war zones? Sounds like all those potential ‘children of God’ aren’t doing their job. So whose children are they then?

Just a thought.

As for why I’m interested, I believe in LIBERTY. It’s a strange thing, liberty. I can’t have it unless I ‘allow’ you to have it. If you have liberty and I have liberty and neither of us try to make the other do something against our rights and will, we will have peace between us. So folks who advocate liberty have a shot at becoming a child of God; those who don’t, don’t.

Just as long as we understand each other.

Feliz Navidad!

Amy’s Stay, Day 7

Updates, huh?

As you might imagine, I have a confluence of things going on all at the same time this time of year.

My chemo is going marginally better than last time. Or, I’m getting use to dealing with it. But I can feel pretty crappy depending on the circumstances. Especially if they want me to do the dishes! :-) And the pump does come off tomorrow.

As for my worsening condition, Amy touched lightly on the issue. My last PET scan was so-o-o-o good that we might have forgot what my doctor had said. He had stated that their hope, their goal, was just to keep things from getting worse than the way I came in during the first few courses of chemo. Which was why my tumor reduction was a “dramatic improvement.” We’re probably just getting back to a normal progression of events I guess you could say. I did get a tentative agreement to use the "cancer strength" product called IP-6. I’ll take the documentation in tomorrow and we’ll see.

As some of you may know, I tend to read and agree with a lot of the stuff Lew Rockwell has on his site, and I have commented on Bill Sardi’s site, Knowledge of Health, before. Besides, I believe that, just like Genesis 1:29 says, “all seed-bearing plants” can be used for food, for the health of our bodies. No matter what someone else may say.

Amy’s friend, Mike, flew in Friday night to visit for the Holiday weekend. He had been on one of those islands in the Caribbean—for work, honest—and had to fly into Green Bay to visit us. Quite the contrast!! He was delayed by fog just getting into GB.

We ran down to Ken and Kris’s today for Christmas dinner. The snow caused us to take quite a while on the trip, both ways. Amy was driving her Florida rental, which was fun. She drove very cautiously! Drove me nuts! But then, I can’t drive all the time, I guess.

Tomorrow Ben has to go in to work early for a few hours, Mike flies out of GB to go home, then I have to get my pump removed, my sister ,Cuz, and Ronny are coming up for a few days, and I might have friends stopping by to say “Feliz Navidad” in the afternoon. So I might not get a chance to stop by and say anything for a while.

So “Feliz Navidad!” And have a safe and Merry Christmas if I don’t talk to you before then.

And remember, this goes back to Genesis 1:29: "As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

Amy’s Stay, Day 4

As you might imagine, I’ve been busy and tired. The Dexamethasone (the steroid) has been bugging me, and I think the chemo is hitting a little faster this time.

PET Scan results have shown some regression; the tumor has gotten larger since the last PET Scan. I figured as much because of the problems I have eating the farther I get away from a Round. Or to say it another way, the closer I get to my next Round of chemo I start to have trouble with my stomach. I’ve had my first Ensure in quite a while.

So the hiccups have started again, I seem to get tired a little earlier, and my muscles are starting to fail and it’s only what, Day 2? At least I don’t have any nausea. And although the hiccups are disconcerting, they don’t cause much pain.

Amy, her mom, and Ken have run out to the mall. I’ve begged off pleading being fatigue. And it is true; I do better earlier in the day. So I thought I’d update my schedule and pass on a little info.

If you noticed my schedule there is a couple of consults scheduled for next week. For the first time, maybe because it was a different doctor, they have me scheduled for a Radiation consult. And I have another surgical consult. Por que? No se! The last one wanted to take out my esophagus; maybe they’ll talk about just moving the stomach up a little.

I did get some records finally. I still don’t have the scans to post here, I don’t have the records I paid for, and they still haven’t gotten my name right! How’s that for belly aching? I mentioned that I might get a little more critical when I’m not feeling well due to my chemo and Amy started laughing. I don’t get it! What was that about?

Feliz Navidad!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

Amy’s Stay, Day 2

Thought you guys might like a picture of Amy’s monsters.

I was RTR (Riding the Recliner) when I asked Mazeru (Maz) up for a cuddle. Maz it is the one closest to my head. Apparently, Mia got jealous and decided to “hop” up as well. Do you know what it’s like to have 140 pounds of squirming dogs in your lap and on your chest?

I asked Ben to take a picture with my camera. Since he was unfamiliar with my camera, it took him a short time to get it figured out. So I ended up encouraging the dogs to stay just a little longer.

If you notice, the snowman’s hat is empty to keep the dogs from eating the M&M Peanuts that were there. The squirt bottle is close at hand to keep the monsters in line. They respect water! Especially here in cold Wisconsin. Florida dogs, what wimps!!!

The cats have done pretty well. Mousebane has decided that he is the King of the House and decided to exercise his Royal Prerogative. We would cage the dogs and allow the cats a chance at full run of the house. Everyone handled things pretty well, so we decided to leash the dogs and see how things went.

I took a photo—which I’m including—of the general encounter, which went pretty well.

I have a futon sofa that opens into a bed that we opened to allow the dogs to ‘sit’ on. Mia was lying down in the spot that shows right between Mousebane’s ears in the photo, next to the futon. Mousebane eventually snuck up behind the recliner and suddenly jumped into the seat of the recliner from behind. Maz jumped straight up as did Mia and Amy.

What was remarkable was that Mia started attacking Maz, protecting Mousebane!!! Remember that all of this is taking place on top of Amy on the end of their leashes! 140 pounds of mock dogfight, because Mia wasn’t trying to hurt Maz, just prevent him from getting Mousebane.

What was remarkable was that later, Mia defended me against Maz’s playful antics. I have a defender! Mia, as we said before, is a Pit Bull Terrier but just as sweet as they come. BUT, she is a strong-willed bitch that needs attention and direction. Her motto is “Kiss me of kick me, just don’t ignore me.” If you can live with that, she’s a great dog!

So, I need to get off here and get ready for Round 5 Day 1 tomorrow.



Feliz Navidad!



"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

Amy Watch!

Thought I'd just keep everyone who is interested updated on Amy's progress as she makes her way back home. I know that she considers Tampa home now, but as her father, I still consider HERE as home for my kids. For my son, it is.

I'll post this as a "sticky" post for a while. All times are Central Standard Time. This post will be updated until she is home, here.

As of today, Saturday, December 15:

11:00 AM She texted she is crossing into Georgia. That puts here only one hour behind the schedule I provided for her. No, it wasn't set in stone; it was just a ballpark schedule to give her an idea of what to expect timewise. :-)

5:19PM Amy just entered Tennessee!

08:22PM She's a little closer, she just entered Kentucky! That's 42 miles past halfway!!!!!!

09:33PM She stopped for the night in Paducah, KY. That's just across the river from Illinois. Heck, Illinois is almost home! More tomorrow!

Sunday, December 16

07:03AM On the Road Again and she just entered Illinois. Only 574 miles left to go. And Maz has seen deer for probably the first time. He won't shut up! And they HAVE seen snow for the first time.

01:47PM Kankakee! The old home stretch. I used to drive from K3 to GB and vice versa all the time. 4 to 5 hours to go!

02:58PM And she hits downtown Chi-town! Isn't that just south of the border? :-)

03:48PM She's in Wisconsin!! Just about 2 hours now!! We started texting back and forth when I got a cell phone and started driving down to Florida. Ben and I got to share our progress and Amy knew where we were. So it kinda evolved into a ritual. It beats the heck out of not knowing until she shows up at the door, don't 'cha think?

06:20PM She’s “finally found her way HOME!!!” Thanks for watching with me! Now, I’m gonna spend some time with my son and daughter and her doggies!!

Happy Bill of Rights Day

I’ll bet you didn’t know that today, December 15, back in 1791, the Bill of Rights was finally ratified.

“So what,” you say. It’s like this. You probably haven’t heard of this before but there is a preamble to the Bill of Rights that explains why there is a Bill of Rights.

The Preamble to The Bill of Rights

Congress of the United States begun and held at the City of New-York, on Wednesday the fourth of March, one thousand seven hundred and eighty nine.

THE Conventions of a number of the States, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best ensure the beneficent ends of its institution.

RESOLVED by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following Articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several States, as amendments to the Constitution of the United States, all, or any of which Articles, when ratified by three fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of the said Constitution; viz.

ARTICLES in addition to, and Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, proposed by Congress, and ratified by the Legislatures of the several States, pursuant to the fifth Article of the original Constitution.

Without the promise of a Bill of Rights, “a number of states” wouldn’t have signed the Constitution. Without the Constitution, we wouldn’t have had a basis for government in these here United States. So, they’re kinda important. At least as important as the Declaration of Independence vote on July 2, 1776.

So please forgive me if I get just a little political on the second most important day in American History.

Now, one of my favorite authors, L. Neil Smith, wrote a piece that describes what the Bill of Rights ought to be, instead of what it is considered to be by TPTB (the powers that be). It’s called A Glimmer of Hope. I hope that you follow the link, read it, and reflect on it.

One of the interesting habits the lead character in the book the quotes from the article were taken was to inform people about a right that dates back to the common law of the Magna Carta that’s not found in the Bill of Rights that the Supreme Court decided that you didn't need to know about in 1895. I’m going to post it at the end of every post from now on.

Feliz Navidad!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

It Is As I Suspected.

I finally took matters into my own hands. Since I was at the ABMC Hospital for my latest PET scan, I decided to talk to the Medical Records Department. I approached the Front Desk and asked for directions to their office. I was informed that they had no “reception area” and that they would call them for me. So, I talked to a young lady who was very helpful. She told me there was no record of my requests for records. I explained that that was the problem; I had requested my records two months ago.

She got me to start filling out Authorization For Disclosure Of Health Information reports provided by the Front Desk and she came down to help me. Since I was looking for records from three different areas—Hospital, VLCC, and Clinic—I would have to fill out three different forms!

We discussed what it was that I wanted—all my records including CD copies of CT. PET, and X-ray scans—and she stated that she would have the paper copies ready for me after my PET scan today. In all honesty, she did state that the CD records might take a little longer.

I did pick up my records after my PET scan, but there were no CDs included in the package. I’m hoping that they will be forthcoming. But I’m pessimistic about that. A pessimist is someone who is right more often that not, and when he is wrong, it’s usually a pleasant surprise.

I checked my previous posts and I did tell you that I was told that the girl who “takes care of those types of things” would correct my name on Wednesday. Today is Friday. Although my records all have my name correct in the body of the reports, the headers all have me listed as Benjamin H! Even my wrist tag for the procedure today has me listed as Benjamin H. WTF! How hard do I have to hit them to get my name right? Maybe I do need a lawyer. Amy, let’s talk about that when you get here.

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Remember when I said I took a break and my DVD player stopped playing sound? I found out what happened. Describing the situation to Ben when he got home and responding to his questions, I was checking my equipment. Apparently, what happened was while I was out of the room, one of the cats decided to “mark” my receiver/amplifier by rubbing his cheek/jaw on the side of the case. Unfortunately, he happened to hit the knob controlling the input, so the equipment was looking for input from my Auxiliary input channel instead of my Video 1 channel. Duh!

*********

Going through my records I’m amazed at the difference between what I remember happened and what the doctor reports had happened. Apparently, I have had problems that I never could have reported to the doctor because I have absolutely NO recollection of ever having that particular problem. Ayyyy!

**********

There was a bright spot today. I had the opportunity to stop by the home of una amiga from my days at the Sweatshop. We had lost contact after I left that account and she left that job, so it was nice to talk with her and meet her Significant Other and their beautiful 3-month-old daughter!! She was so cute! The baby, Daniela (I believe that’s how it is spelled.) ‘Course, mom was looking pretty good, too. But I had a good talk with the happy family. The SO seemed like a pretty nice guy, too. We had a great talk.

Did I mention that baby Daniela was so cute! I want one!! Can you believe they wouldn’t let me take her home with me? But, at least I did get a chance to make her laugh. Mom and Dad might have thought me nuts, but I had Daniela laughing! I still got it! :-D And, like any set of proud parents, I got to see a bunch of baby pictures.

I had picked up a little Santa outfit to fit a 3 – 6-month-old baby for Daniela. She is 3 months but a little on the small side, 6 pounds, 6 ounces and 19” at birth. I’m hoping it will fit. But it matched the Santa hat I was wearing. I’m looking forward to seeing pictures of Daniela in her outfit.

They mentioned stopping by before Christmas. I’ll see if they will let me post a picture of Daniela, then.

Feliz Navidad!

Not Much To Tell Today

I’ve been pretty tired today. My muscles are just sore; maybe I’m overdoing it.

But I have been doing paperwork most of the day. But I know I’m better ‘cause I want to get out and do other things as well. So I have rearranged a few things, got the guest bedroom set up, and am going through boxes of old paperwork, and throwing trash away.

I moved a set of shelves back into my office where I have boxes of “stuff” piled so I can sort through them easier. How can one person collect so much junk? Oh, yeah, just don’t throw anything away.

But a lot of it has sentimental value! I still have pictures drawn by my kids when they were little! I don’t want to throw those away!

I guess I take after my grandparents. One of the things I remember about both sets was that they kept everything, even if it was broken. It was possible that a part of the broken item could be used to fix something else, thereby preventing having to spend more money. I guess I feel the same way.

As I said, I’m kinda sore. I should start doing some stretching exercises here at home.

Taking a break this afternoon while consuming a meal, I turned on the DVD player to watch an episode of Dark Angel. Not able to sit still, I paused it while I ran off to DO SOMETHING. When I finally came back I pressed play only no sound came out! Nothing I did seemed to work. I’ll take a look at it when I can think a little better. It’s probably something simple.

But, I have had lots to think about today. Unfortunately, that can be tiring!

There Are NO Small Mistakes…

…there’s only mistakes. The consequences of the mistake may be small or large as the case may be, but a mistake is just a mistake.

As a former Quality Assurance Manager I was interested in the Biblical concept of “sin.” You see, according to folks who know more than I about such things, the word that is used most frequently for sin in the Bible is hamartia, meaning “missing the mark.” So, when Paul wrote in Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned…” what he meant was “For all have missed the mark…” or in the vernacular, “Everybody makes mistakes…” Or another way to say it is not everyone meets the standard.

The way I was raised, everything it seemed was a sin: smoking, drinking alcohol (I know, Jesus drank alcohol in His wine, but we were told He drank grape juice!), playing cards, swimming in the same pool with the opposite sex, and even dancing. (That’s why I never learned to dance. Although I did have offers to teach me, we never seemed to get round to actually teaching me. And if you don’t learn it while you’re young, you never really can get good at it.)

Because of the extreme nature of my upbringing, eventually I had to come to some understanding of the nature of 'missing the mark' for myself. And that’s another topic for another time. But it left me predisposed to pursuing a career where missing the mark was part of the whole raison d’être.

So I hope that you can understand the level of my concern with almost every contact I have with my healthcare support system:

I begged for an appointment due to my severe “gastritis” and was sent home to take Prilosec OTC, delaying the diagnosis of cancer by a month.

I had an EGD with biopsies, only to have the six biopsies disappear, requiring another EGD.

I had a port implanted without consulting me on placement. This is Wisconsin. They must have patients who hunt. And I still consider myself a hunter. The port was placed almost directly under the spot where I would mount a rifle or shotgun, however.

I have appointments scheduled in advance for pump placement but not for pump removal. And appointment times vary from what I am told to what they document.

I had trouble getting my name corrected. I use my first initial and middle name. Their computer system is not set up to use middle names, only middle initials. So when I ask that they change me from Benjamin H. to H. Benjamin I was changed to H. H.! I’ve been going to Aurora since August and I was told today that the girl who takes care of those things will correct it tomorrow. Finally!

In an X-ray report, I was referred to as a 56-year-old FEMALE!

I ordered my records two months ago from both the hospital and the clinic so I could hopefully find out what is going to happen to me. I received a response from a record storage company asking for payment for copying my OLD records from the clinic. Sent a check last month, which was cashed a week later. Still haven’t seen the records. Called them today, and their response was that the records were “linked up wrong.” I should receive them soon. But I still haven’t heard about my records from the clinic.

I called the hospital to see why I hadn’t received my records from them. They have no record of me asking, although I have communicated several times with them about my request.

Is it any wonder that the July 30, 2000 edition of the Journal of American Medical Association ranked doctors as the number three killer of Americans, right behind cancer and heart disease?

Can you see why I’m concerned considering the track record of this facility? These are all ‘mistakes.’ They have either “missed the mark” or their standards are very, very low. It irritates the heck out of me.

Round 4, Day 15

It’s been two weeks since I started Round 4 and so far it’s been the worst round of chemotherapy, yet

Talking with the young lady from my doctor’s office she had mentioned not wanting to live in the recliner. Since I spent from Day 4 to Day 9 in the recliner, I could understand the feeling. Talking yesterday with someone who expressed similar sentiments, I decided to coin a phrase, Riding the Recliner (RTR), to describe that action, or lack thereof.

I don’t know if you noticed but Round 5 is back on. Friday I go in for another PET scan, and the following Wednesday starts Round 5. Yippee. I’m expecting to be RTR over the holidays. Sorry.

I am feeling better, though. The muscles still tire very easily. But all that means is that I am now trying to catch up on all the things that I had to let slide when I was RTR! I mentioned clearing the snow on Friday. Never got around to finishing the job on Saturday, but it wasn’t important.

I did run out to a couple of stores on Saturday. I’m not going to do that again. People in cars usually have trouble driving during the rest of the year. Around Christmas, however, I swear someone piths them and then lets them get into their vehicles and drive. I’ve heard stories—I always thought them Urban Myths—about over-the-road truck drivers who come home from a run and refuse to drive their personal vehicles around town, making the wife do the driving. I’m starting to wish I were married so I can join them.

I didn’t find what I wanted although I did get the opportunity to walk around the mall. If you know how I walk, you’ll know that I was tired when I got done. I spent more time waiting to get around people than I did walking.

OK, I’ll explain, just this once. Back during my college days, I remember walking with a young lady named Anita one evening when she said that she liked walking with me “in the evening.” I asked why she had qualified her statement. She said that by evening I had slowed down enough that she could finally keep up with me with enough effort. I slowed down a bit when out walking with girls after that.

So, like I said, I’ve been trying to catch up on everything that I wasn’t able to get to during my recliner time. I had to get the spare bedroom, Amy’s room, ready. I had stored some stuff in there since she was last here. And I had to try and monster-proof the bed. It’s one of those inflatable beds. Imagine dog toenails on a balloon! We’ll see how it works.

And I’ve been trying to get my office cleaned up. I’ve had papers all over being sorted and the like. And then I always seem to find more paper. It’s hard to sort paperwork when you can’t remember where you are putting that particular type of document. Now I have papers and boxes of stuff.

To top everything else off, I can’t find my brand of tea!!!!! My store, Woodman’s, has a big empty spot on the shelf for a month now where my AriZona Rx Stress tea usually sits in the big gallon bottles. Wal Mart only had the quart bottles. I stopped at Cubs, Festival, and Copps and they don’t even carry it. Anybody sees it on the shelf, let me know, OK?

Round 4, Day 12

Well I suppose I could write some of this down instead of just thinking about it. That’s usually what happens to me. I get lost in the thinking and never get to the doing. And time marches on.

I can brush my teeth with toothpaste again. The tongue has healed enough that it doesn’t burn anymore. It was funny that my “magic mouthwash” burned my tongue before the lidocaine kicked in.

I spent over three hours shoveling the concrete today. Probably half that time was spent sitting, recovering my breath, and letting my muscles gain their strength back. Still more that I want to do tomorrow, but not too much anymore.

I cleaned most of the apron into the street. I cleaned enough that the snowplow drivers can see the curbs at the edge of the driveway but I left the two-foot section in the street. Basically just like what you saw in my first picture the other day.

Buoyed by Julie’s article, I emailed my oncologist with my cold feet concerns. Didn’t hear a thing.

I have been in email contact with my personal physician; at least I send them info. I ran out of one of my blood pressure meds today. I had been given 4 weeks of samples and was supposed to send in my BPs at two weeks. Did that; didn’t hear a thing. So I updated my BPs and sent that in last night, informing them that I would be out of meds today. Didn’t hear a thing all day. Tonight I got one of the office personnel doing a follow up. Seems the doctor wasn’t in today.

But it’s all good; it’s all good! I got a chance to talk with the young lady—she kept calling me Sir—about her trials with chemo. Yup, breast cancer. And she is right, you don’t know until you’ve been there. So, she was asking me my experiences with chemo and sharing her own with me. And she was taking notes!!! Smart girl!

She made a comment about not wanting to live her life in the recliner and I almost kissed her over the phone. That’s what the last week has been for me. She understands!!

And if this is what getting old is like, you can have it. I don’t want it!

Even though I was able to work outside for a while today, when I came in I crashed into the recliner. I was able to get up after a bit and fix store-bought Jambalaya for supper, but I crashed back into the recliner to eat and watch a movie.

Hmmm, oh, Die Hard 2. Yesterday I watched the first one. Tomorrow I might watch Die Hard With a Vengeance. Nice thing about losing your memory; all your old movies are almost like new again. :-)

I haven’t seen the latest, Live Free or Die Hard. So I’m catching up so I’ll be on track when I see the new one. I like the Live Free part. But I find that John is now working for Homeland Security; where’s the Living Free part?

Oh, no! John and Holly got divorced! Bummer! I like that actress’s name, Bonnie Bedelia. I used to work with a Bonnie and that was what I kept calling her. I could never remember her last name! She got used to it. :-D

The problem with my muscles isn’t that they are tight or that I’m building up lactic acid specifically. It’s that all the stuff breaking down in my system due to the poison, I mean the cancer drugs, and needs to get flushed out of my system. Por ejemplo, the Cisplatin—BTW, this drug is a compound of platinum, how expensive do you think that might be at $1455 an ounce?—removes the magnesium from my system. It doesn’t need to; it just does. So I’ve had to increase my intake just to keep up.

So between removing stuff that they don’t need to and killing stuff that then needs to be removed, my poor circulatory system is working overtime. Probably why my heart rate is so fast.

So, that’s it for me. I’m recovering now, just not as fast as before. I’m gonna go play in the tub for a while, and then catch an episode or two of Dark Angel. I’ll check back in before hitting the hay!

Hey! Merry Christmas!

And Today Makes 7

OK, so I have sore muscles, or should I say ‘sorer’ muscles today. As long as I don’t do anything, I’m fine. But when I start to use my muscles, I get all twitchy and shaky and have to almost lay down for it to go away. I don’t even like to sit in my office chair for very long although I can recline there somewhat.

I’m sorry, Nettie, I didn’t see your comment on the 5th, and it didn’t show up in my email like it is supposed to. NP Nancy said that the body remembers the painful process of last time and can’t respond as well this time. Which means, either she lied with the good news/bad news routine or I get to look forward to more fun the next time. Or both.

Although, Saturday Nurse Martha had opined that they hit me hard and then they hit me soft with the chemo. So maybe the next round will be softer.

Speaking of Round 5, it’s off my calendar for now; I have to have another PET Scan. I had the follow up for the scan scheduled before I had the test scheduled. And, I had a Nutritional Consult scheduled without even knowing it. They’re going to put my schedule together and SEND IT TO ME IN THE MAIL!!!!!!! And we all know how much of an effort the City and Federal Governments are committed to for delivering my mail, don’t we?

But I am going to have to train Ben to bring the mail in for me. I’m not going through all the effort of getting dressed and all bundled up just to go out to the mailbox.

SIL Julie sent me an article about cancer patients using the computer to document their symptoms with their doctors.

Having cancer patients report to doctors on their symptoms and side effects
online may improve their care, a new study finds.

Even the sickest cancer patients are willing and capable of reporting their symptoms online, says a team from Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York City.

"Cancer care has become increasingly complex, causing office visits to become more compressed. This makes it challenging for the clinician to comprehensively assess each patient's symptoms in that brief window of time," study author Dr. Ethan Basch, a medical oncologist, said in a prepared statement.

"Because cancer therapies can be highly toxic, early detection of symptoms and timely treatment is vital. What is exciting to us about online self-reporting is that patients can alert clinicians to crucial symptoms in real time," Basch said.

“Reporting their symptoms may improve their care.” Ya think? “Compressed office visits” is something I have been concerned about. And not being able to remember all the things I wanted to tell him. Especially since I very rarely see a doctor anymore; I get the second string.

Anyway, Julie’s article led me to further research and I found out a few things that might be applicable to my situation. The cancer drugs kill cells in my body. They kill fast growing cells to target the cancer cells, but they also kill other cells in my GI tract. And they kill tumor cells, and brain cells, etc. When a cell dies, the body tries to get rid of the parts of the dead cell that it can’t use. All the poisons and toxins released from that cell get dumped into the blood stream and circulate though the body, affecting everything they come in contact with.

Over Thanksgiving I visited a friend in the hospital because a clot of material, blood or otherwise, got dumped into his bloodstream, made it’s way to his lung and took up residence there. The doctors had to persuade it to “move along.”

So, I’m having all these cells in my body dying and giving up their little carcasses to my bloodstream. And over time all this stuff builds up. Wouldn’t it make sense to undergo some “body cleanse” to help rid the body of these toxins? I could be doing an herbal body cleanse designed to remove the crap. But I forgot, doctors don’t believe in herbs. They'd rather I suffered for their beliefs.

The part that had me worried, though, was the description of the breakdown of the tumor. Yes, some of it might end up leaving via my intestines, but other portions can leave via the blood supply to and from the tumor.

Which makes me wonder about the symptom that I reported to NP Nancy about the sharp pain in my right chest that I had over the course of a couple days. But then I forgot to mention the cold feet that I have been experiencing, even though I’m all bundled up.

A build up of lactic acid in the muscles can produce the muscle symptoms I describe. A build up occurs when there is insufficient flow of blood to the muscles to flush out the byproducts of muscle use. And cold feet occur when there is an insufficient supply of blood to the feet. Sounds like a whole lot of insufficiency going on. But what do I know.

I haven’t had to edit this as much as I’ve had to lately so my brain might be starting to recover, as well. Usually, I make all sorts of mistakes that I have to go back over, try to find, and then to correct. It’s getting easier so I just might have to go back to my inbox and start following up on those.

I started to take a bath earlier but was too tired to do even that. Maybe I can still do that tonight. I am glad that you guys have no idea what I’m talking about when it comes to all this fatigue. I really wouldn’t want you to experience it. It’s not a lot of fun let me tell you.

I’m hoping that I can be ‘near normal’ over the holidays when everyone will be home.

Christmas Schedule

Hello all!

I wanted to give everyone a heads up on my Christmas Schedule. I will leave Tampa very early on 12/15/07, driving with my mutts, to Green Bay. So, hopefully, I'll get there on the 17th. My boyfriend, Mike, will fly in to Green Bay around 8pm on 12/21/07, and leave around 10 am on 12/24/07. While this doesn't provide much time for visiting with him, his schedule is restricted by spending time with his son for the holidays, which I completely understand and respect. He wanted to be able to see my family, too, though, so will come to GB for the only free days he has around the holidays. What a guy ;-).

I'm actually not sure how long I am staying in Green Bay. It will depend on a couple of things, but I will probably begin the drive back around the 27th or the 3rd, depending on how long Ben and Dad can put up with me and my monsters ;-).

Looking forward to seeing everyone!

Amy

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep...

...If I should die before I wake, I want you guys to sue the City!!

OK, I am feeling better a bit. The problem with that is that I think I can do more. :-D

I went to have my labs done and to follow up with the VLCC. They found that I was low on magnesium again and put a bag in me. Then I went grocery shopping. Between them both, I was plumb tuckered out. So, I made supper about 3:00 and started my Dark Angel series again—I ran out of NCIS—while I ate and rested.

Then I did something foolish.

We had snow here a while back. My roommate went out and shoveled for me, bless his heart. But I didn’t tell him about all the little rules and I was too exhausted to supervise.

You would think that when it snows, the City should clean the streets, curb to curb. They don’t! They get within a half a lane and call it a day.

Well, the Federal Government, in the form of the United States Postal Service, can’t and won’t drive though that half a lane of snow to deliver the mail. What was that about “Neither rain nor snow…?” ‘Course I can’t really blame them. But what does the USPS do? Do they call the City and tell them that they can’t get close enough to the mailbox to complete their appointed rounds?

NO!!!!!

They reach or walk across the snow and put a little card in the mailbox explaining how they’d like the property owner or renter to shovel the frickin’ STREET!!! I wish I had my scanner hooked up. You'd like the little diagram. The card explains how they're not permitted to exit the vehicle to deliver mail.

OK, my roommate did call and say that he’d blow out in front of the mailbox when he got home from work. But he works second shift and it’s already cold out there. It’s supposed to get down to 6 bone chilling degrees tonight.

And all I was going to do was run the snow blower to clear away in front of the mailbox so the mailman could deliver my bills and their junk mail. I should be able to hang on and remain standing and let the blower do the work, right?

It was more than I bargained for! The snow was packed hard. I had to break up the snow with a shovel. You can see that in the first photo. So there I am fighting a bucking blower mere inches, literally, from oncoming traffic,

If you look at the photos you will see wet road inches from the snow bank. That’s where the car's tires were rolling when I wasn’t right at the edge of the snow. And remember, my blower is 24” wide: two FEET! From the photos you’ll see that means I had four feet of roadway to clear! In the last photo you can see where the concrete curb and gutter ends and the asphalt roadway begins.

I thought that government was supposed to take care of us, not the other way around. It’s pretty bad when a 56-year-old cancer patient on chemotherapy has to do the work for the City.

That’s it for me. I’m going to bed. I know it’s early but darn it, I am really worn out!

Talk quietly amongst yourselves.

Bad Day 4

But not as bad as the last three! I’ve been up and down a lot more today than the last three days. That has to mean that I’m getting better, or getting used to it. :-) But I’m still not ready to do much of anything but vegetate. And I just realized that I have a headache. When you try to block it all out, sometimes it works. Now that I’m thinking about it, it rears its ugly head. Gah!!

I still have the muscle weakness although the shakes have decreased somewhat. My complete alimentary tract has been affected. The mucosa of the mouth has changed character almost overnight. The two “white-covered” sores have shed their cover and are now red, and hurt with the introduction of food. Actually, I consider that good. However, the back of my throat had turned a mottled red and could presage more sores. And, any acid in the mouth now causes pain, as does hot items. So the peppermint tea that I’m trying to drink has to cool a lot more!

The lower GI tract still continues to give problems—not often enough to be a big problem, just an annoying one—that requires the use of the Lonox/Lomotil. Remind me to buy stock in Big Pharm, will you?

My temperature has been consistently at least one degree lower than your “normal” over the last few days. However, the last few hours my temp has proceeded to climb, taking me to your “normal” and surpassing that slightly. That would explain why I have started to sweat, but my feet are still freezing. Go figure!

Since an elevated temp is necessary to get any action from the doctors in the way of any intervention, we’ll have to see what tonight and tomorrow brings.

I’m using bigger words and getting verbose; that means my mind is coming back somewhat as well. Not enough to even bring to mind the things that I wanted to accomplish today, until now, however. Darn! Remind me to use my pocket PC for a To-Do list, will you?

Because it takes me quite a while to marshal my thoughts sometimes, I put together a series of items I want to say in a draft and add to it as I think of things. I was doing that two weekends ago for an email that I haven’t gotten around to yet (SORRY) when I ran across a quote by Mark Twain. Now, I have an online friend who likes to quote Twain, so I have a tendency to pay attention when I read Twain. And it was one that I wanted to use in that email, but I’m going to use it here.

I am aware that when even the brightest mind in our world has been trained up from childhood in a superstition of any kind, it will never be possible for that mind, in its maturity, to examine sincerely, dispassionately, and conscientiously any evidence or any circumstance which shall seem to cast a doubt upon the validity of that superstition.

Now, Will Rogers is credited with putting it another way, "It's not what we don't know that hurts, it's what we do know that ain't so." I’ve always tried to break out of my “superstitions” and look at things as objectively as possible, although there are some who will disagree with me.

BTW, I say ‘credited’ with the quote, because I have read some disagreement about the source. It doesn’t mean that he didn’t say it, though.

One of the signer’s of that treasonous, anti-government document, the Declaration of Independence, Dr. Benjamin Rush (a medical doctor) is “credited” with having warned us against our current situation over two hundred years ago:

Unless we put medical freedom into the Constitution, the time will come when medicine will organize into an undercover dictatorship to restrict the art of healing to one class of men and deny equal privileges to others: The Constitution of this Republic should make a special privilege for medical freedom as well as religious freedom.

Bad Day 3

Just an update on me, today is as bad as yesterday. So I’ve spent the last 3 days in the recliner. My temperature is below normal, so it wouldn’t appear that I am “sick” although I do have a cough. And I’m down about 10 pounds, 184 this AM. Oh, well.

I did get dressed and went out to get the snow blower started. I tried to tell Ben how to do it from memory, but we know how that works, don’t we? I needed to see the unit. I was pleasantly surprised that my efforts last spring made starting it pretty easy this time. As it was, Ben spent an awful lot of time out there doing what I’ve always done for myself. Do you know how frustrating that was for me?

But I’m still having trouble moving around. My muscles once they get started just keep shaking, especially the thigh muscles. Don’t know why, but I may call a nurse or something tomorrow.

Tonight, I’m going to take a hot bath and hit the sack.

PS: There are folks who are coming to visit during the holidays and they'd like to make plans to see who they can see when they are here. If'n you're going to be headig this way, to see me or the family, let me know so I can pass the info on: who, when, etc. Today, Amy said she should be showing up before Round 5 starts. I'm looking forward to it.

Bad Day, Today.

Nurse Practitioner Nancy was wrong with her Good News/Bad News routine when she said, “I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that it shouldn’t be any worse than the last round. The bad news is that it won’t be any better than the last round.”

It was worse; I’m still shaking.

I got up and started to get ready to go in to have my pump removed. I couldn’t even stand long enough to shower; I had to take a bath. And the onset of diarrhea this morning didn’t help any.

Because Ben’s schedule had become compromised, leaving him the only guy to be able to do his job during the critical timeframe, I called Dee and Oscar who came to my rescue. They took me to my appointment and got me home safely again. Thanks, guys, I really appreciate it!

Nurse Margaret was very helpful and solicitous with my condition, even if I was the only one that she was seeing today! I totally understand when they say they wish there was something they could do to make me feel better. I usually feel the same way myself when someone is sick. It’s part of that empathy thing. But took care of the pump and gave me plenty of help and suggestions.

Apparently, with the storm that’s brewing and everything, the Powers That Be (PTB) decided on Friday that they could give me my WBC booster shot today instead of tomorrow so I’ll be able to sleep in. So, I read the name on the box, copied it into my iPAQ, and decided to look it up. It’s called Neulasta. When I get some time to think, I’ll read all about it.

I’ve had some pizza. I’m going to have some ice cream. But I am going back to rest in the recliner, NOW! Thanks for checking in!

PS: I hate it when I get curious; I had to know. "Although Neulasta is almost imperative for someone who has been diagnosed with certain types of cancer, the cost can be very high. Depending on where you buy your dosage from, the cost of Neulasta is between $3000 and $7000.00 per syringe, but you will receive discounts if you buy more than one syringe at a time." THAT'S why they won't let me give it to myself.

You ever wonder who's getting rich off my suffering?

Pump Removal Tomorrow!

Speaking of cats, guess who just showed up to visit me @ 8:30 in the evening after being absent all day.

I haven’t done a blasted thing all day. I went into the basement once to get my sleeping bag from the dryer. I’ve either been in the recliner watching 8, count ‘em 8, episodes of NCIS Season 3 or in my office chair for the short time I’ve spent in front of the computer. Or in bed.

I’ve had 3 square, OK maybe not square but at least obtuse, meals. Plus ice cream. I’ve hydrated and gargled with my saline rinse. I didn’t even get dressed and go out to get the mail. And I’m still wiped out! That’s how fatigued I really am. Plus, I have a slightly elevated temperature, for me. I usually run a degree cooler than normal. Something to do with another chronic issue.

I still have at least 5 emails in my inbox awaiting my reply, one from last Friday. I’ll try to get to them tomorrow in the AM. I apologize, but I hope you’ll consider the circumstances.

It's 9:00PM and I think I'm going to call it a night!

Did I mention I get the pump removed tomorrow? And no one still wants to respond to my curing all those cancer patients back in Proof of Efficacy?

Sweet dreams, all!

Ramblin’ On!

Yup, I’m a gonna ramble tonight. The mouth sores are starting early; I was hoping the slightly acidic root beer and OJ would help keep them away. Maybe I’ll just keep the candidiasis at bay. Ya think?

The hiccups are still disconcerting, especially with the cough! *sigh*

~~~~~~~~~

I was up at 5:00AM, had breakfast, got on the computer for a while, and was tuckered out by 8:00. So, I was ensconced in my recliner—thanks again, Amy—when I got a call from a friend. Not was I was expecting! Apparently he’s going through some trouble and needed to talk. I was honored that he thought of me to call. I’ve had some experience in his situation, but somehow that just isn’t enough, sometimes. All I could do was ask some questions, make a few suggestions and basically just commiserate with him. I hope that I helped.

Why can’t people just learn to Coexist? Is that too much to ask?

~~~~~~~~~

I have been receiving my Short Term Disability (STD) benefits from my place of employment. I noticed that payments were being removed from the check but I didn’t pay too much attention to them. I had other things on my mind. So I assumed my insurance payments were being withheld. I was wrong.

My STD term was for 13 weeks. It’s been all of that, now. I think I just received my last check. So I contacted my HR rep to see what was going to happen and how we were going to handle it. The answer I got back shocked me.

First, let me say that I haven’t always been a real big supporter of my company. With my previous work experience, there were many things that I could have improved for them. And I actually offered to help. Probably my biggest complaint was their Management By Rumor style of communication. Remember that game where you tell a secret to the person next to you and then they tell the person next to them, and so on, and so on? Once the secret completes the circle the last person tells the group and everyone is amazed at how much the story changed. Yup, that one.

But they are coming around on that!

Anyway, I got a reply. It seems that work has been covering not only their portion of the insurance, but mine as well! They said that we’d work out something in the way of an affordable repayment plan when I come back to work. My place of employment just took a big jump in my estimation, especially after the next two statements: “We will not discontinue your insurance, we will continue to pay the entire premium. This is something you certainly don’t need to worry about right now, we would never cut off anyone’s insurance when they need it the most.” (Emphasis theirs!) As cynical as I am, this was certainly most unexpected and very much appreciated. Maybe there is some good in the world.


~~~~~~~~~

I ran out to the grocery store to get a few things. I picked up a replacement and fixed the kitchen faucet spray nozzle that I broke last night. That was pretty much it for the day. After a late lunch, I was plumb tuckered out. Spent the afternoon in the recliner under a sleeping bag watching old NCIS episodes.

I get a kick out of Ben’s cat, Mousebane. He knows when I’m not well. Sometimes I try just to block it all out and just “grump” through it. Some of you know what I mean; I just put my head down and try to bull through. But when Mouse starts jumping up in my lap and insisting on attention, and then purring and spending an inordinate amount of time “kneading” his paws on me, the sleeping bag, etc. I know something is up.

So he’s been pretty attentive lately, which only exacerbates the situation by calling attention to my discomfort.

But he certainly caught my attention tonight. He had been on me in the recliner when I needed to get up for an ice cream cone and to make a rest stop, not necessarily in that order. When I got back, he had crawled up into the warm spot in the recliner, so I had to disturb him. Now, normally he doesn’t take my place unless I’m feeling bad. Just another indication that he knows what’s going on.

So I removed him gently to the chair next to me and got settled. He immediately climbed back into my lap. That’s the third thing he does when I’m feeling bad; he gets right back on me. So there I was, having to defend my ice cream cone, and get him settled down.

But he got even with me. Some time later, he got up and threw up twice on the sleeping bag. It was either that or on the carpet, and I figured in my condition it would be easier to wash the sleeping bag. Which reminds me that I should go check the dryer. So, while trying to stay away from kitty emesis, I got the bag down to the washer.

Now, I’m just finishing up the dishes I got dirty last night, typing this up, and getting ready to head off to bed.

One last item tonight. Remember the chili fiasco? Well I’ve been paying attention to the dates on the food in the cupboards. So I was looking at some of my Mexican condiments, my Mole, Sofrito, Adobo, and Pipian. I noticed that some of them were out of date, so I decided to toss them.

Now, I’ve always thought that the recycling craze was kinda funny. You buy stuff in glass and then you throw it out into the recycle bin. These condiment containers reminded me of my youth, when the jars your food came in could actually be reused for household purposes. These jars are just like juice glasses, so I washed them out and put them in the cupboard for when I don’t want as much to drink. Am I still making sense?

Well, my last visitor stopped by the blog about a half an hour ago; time to get this wrapped up and posted. I suppose everyone is getting ready for bed and work tomorrow. It’s been 3 months since work for me, and it looks like it’ll be another 3 months considering the surgery.

I’d rather be working!

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3

Nettie had added a couple of links in a comment that would let us view her pictures on Photobucket. Now, I could be having a "senior moment" here, but I haven't been able to access those pics. I don't know how anyone else has fared.

So, I went out to photobucket and actually joined!!!! Just to try and see if that was what was necessary to view the pics. Still nothing! I tried to add the link, directly to my blog, see the photo on the right or rather the lack thereof.


I don't know what's going on.


So, I asked Nettie for copies of the pics and will post them now, if I can even do that this morning!


Now, let's add Kenny, his deer, and Nettie's S-I-L! (That's Sister-In-Law)




And finally, the Future Hunter (with his pants issue). After a few trips out in the woods like that, I'm sure that the pants thing will not be an issue long. It gets cold out there!!


If I'm not too terribly mistaken, the little future hunter is Tommie, right? I seem to recall that lovely smile....


How's it look? OK?