It’s Amazing….

…what Packer Candy can do, especially when you don’t take it.

I’m feeling a lot better today, even though I got to bed late, again, last night. And I do believe that increased levels of PC causes insomnia for me. I just checked the side effects and didn’t see insomnia listed, but OMG! All the others possible; severe weakness, unusual fatigue, dry mouth and decreased appetite (didn’t I complain about these), muscle twitches, and decreased sex drive? Just what I need! :-D

And my new system for my pills seems to be working out well. At 11:30 this morning, I couldn’t remember if I had taken my 10:00AM meds. So I checked my pillbox for 10:00AM and sure enough, I’d forgotten my 10:00AM dose. Since I take pills so often, it’s hard to remember what I have and haven’t taken.

And BTW, I don’t need the M&Ms since I’m not currently taking any liquid meds.

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I don’t envy Ben his task of taking care of me.

I’ve been going through my files, getting rid of the paperwork I’ve accumulated over the last 40 years or so. I swear I have income tax returns from when I first started paying income tax. I have those carbon copies of almost all my checking accounts back to when they first became available.

I blame my grandparents for my habit. Having gone through the depression, even if it broke, they hung on to whatever the item was in hopes that it could be fixed at a later date, or parts from the item could be used to fix something else. I remember my grandfather’s “junk yard” back in the woods. He’d need a piece of steel a certain size and shape so he’d go out to the junk yard and look over all the stuff that was back there. Pretty soon, he’d come up with a piece that, with a little work, would suit his needs.

I’m the same way.

Anyway, I’ve been going through my files and finding that my files represent a different reality than the one I remember. All these years I thought that I needed three credits of Spanish to get my degree. Not! I need three credits of Arts and Humanities; art, music, or literature!! I still want to learn Spanish, but now I have to find a ways to attend A&H classes working a 12-hour day, four days on/ four days off schedule. Grrrrrr.

And, it seems that I have some stock that I didn’t know I had. The price per share on the certificate is $5 per share. I just checked; it’s up to $77 per share today. I’m going to have to find out what’s up with that! I don’t remember getting any stock, but my name is on it and it’s in my files!

And, I find that I have a small pension that I could be collecting on right now instead of waiting until I get to 65. Didn’t know that, either.

My memory is going, going, going, going… Did I mention that my memory is going?

~~~~~~~~

Well, I must be going out to pick up some more Packer Candy. According to the label directions, I can go through a big bottle in 6-1/4 days to 16-2/3 days. Ain’t life great?

Some Days You’re the Bug!

Sorry I haven’t posted any earlier today; I didn’t realize how fragile my condition is.

You see, I went to bed relatively late last night: midnight. I’d been up going through my old files, getting rid of stuff that I’ll never need again. Sorting and shredding; shredding and sorting.

Anyway, I slept through my alarm for my 2:00AM meds and didn’t wake up until 5:30AM. So I didn’t get my overnight double dose of PC. Being tired and not thinking clearly, I just took my normal single dose for my 6:00AM meds. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough. So, I’ve felt poorly all morning, along with a very specific point of pain.

So, you know I feel bad when I don’t even want to post to my blog! As the saying goes, “Some days you’re the windshield; some days you’re the bug.” Today, I’m the bug.

Oh, I picked up another pill box to load my pills in for the day, by the hours I'm supposed to take them. That way, I'll know if I took my meds in the middle of the night and forgot about it, or not. Now, where's those darn M&Ms? :-)

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I shaved yesterday. My beard was getting patchy from all the hair falling out so I decided it was time. Especially after seeing my beard all over my keyboard.

Gosh, do I look different! I’ll wait until more of the hair on my head falls out before I shave that and then I’ll post a pic. But Amy, prepare yourself for the horror! Maybe it's time for my mask.

Speaking of my hair, I was wearing black fleece yesterday when I took a walk over to the Men’s Mall. I happened to look at my shoulders out in the sun. All the white hair shining on that black fleece nearly blinded me. I couldn’t believe it hadn’t all fallen out from the looks of my shoulders. So, after some violent brushing, I decided I could proceed with my errand.

I’m going to go eat, now, and watch Young Frankenstein. I mentioned before it had been recommended to me, and since “laughter is the best medicine” I was hoping it could help me today.

I may get back to this later today.

Feliz Cumpleaños!

Well. I guess I didn’t run into the person yesterday’s horoscope warned me about, although Nettie did direct me to where I could find someone like that.

Speaking of Nettie, in case you missed her comment on the You Know Who You Are post, she’s a grandma again. Her daughter had a bouncing baby boy, Emerson, on Tuesday, September 25. To quote grandma, “He weighed in at 6 lb. 11 oz. and was 20 1/2 inches long. He's absolutely perfect! Very alert.”

So, in honor of the occasion, and after waiting to garner permissions to use the photos, I’d like to present Nettie, her grandson Tommie (who gave me a good-bye kiss when he was in town last year. I told you there was kissing going on!), and her newest grandson, Emerson.

Now, grandma is a very busy person. Quite frankly I don’t see how she keeps up with everything she does. You see, Nettie is also a quilter; she makes quilts. I’m including a picture of Emerson’s nursery that grandma had a big hand in helping decorate.

I stand in awe. Ok, I’m actually sitting in awe, but she still impresses the heck outa me with all the quilts she’s produced. And BTW, that's Brianna in the lower left, second grandchild and first granddaughter.

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It’s kinda funny. Back when I wasn’t eating, my rheumatism went away. Now that I’m eating again, the rheumatism, and the pain associated with it, came back.

So, it would sound to me like rheumatism is a food-based auto-immune system response to something in my diet.

I’m going to have to pursue that line of thought.

~~~~~~~~~~

In case you didn’t catch Ronny’s comment, he and Cuzanne have purchased tickets to the States. They’ll be landing in Chicago on December 22.

Welcome home, guys!

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Finally, if you’re wondering what the title of this post means, it says “Happy Birthday.” Yes, it refers in part to Emerson’s birth on Tuesday. But it also refers to another birth that was very near and dear to me 29 years ago.

When my son was born 31 years ago, they didn’t allow fathers in the delivery room. I’ve always regretted not being there to welcome my son into this world; the chance to start bonding at the very beginning.

So, when my daughter was born, they couldn’t keep me away. The doctor was understandably concerned that an expectant father might be a little queasy about the goings-on in the delivery room. The expectant mother soon put those fears to rest, however. She told the doctor that the father had spent time on the farm and that if she just “moo-ed” a little bit, he’d feel right at home.

That doctor nearly fell off his stool he was laughing so hard.

And the expectant father did just fine. He watched, in amazement, as his first daughter made her appearance into this world. He marveled that she didn’t cry unless folks were messing with her. When they stopped cleaning her up, she stopped fussing, and started looking all around the room, taking it all in.

My daughter continues to amaze me.

Happy Birthday, Amy!

You Know Who You Are

I’m still 185 pounds. But I’ve been sleeping well, going to bed about 10:00PM, taking my PC at 2:00AM, and getting up for the day about 7:00AM. I’ve cut back on my PC to do it. Oh, I’m getting enough, thank you. I’m just not doubling up unless there is a need.

During the day, when I’m eating, as long as I don’t eat something that will bother the tumor in my stomach, I can get by with one PC every four hours or so. And I feel fine. Overnight, when the stomach is empty, the tumor may get a bit irritated so I will take 2 PC at 2:00AM to ease the pain.

Now that I’m not having to eat all the time or having to take my meds with creamy chocolate milk just to get the horse pills down, I may start up the Carafate again. The doc had said that I could stop, that the window of usefulness may have passed. But if the tumor can still get irritated, that window may still be open. I’ll have to make a call today about it.

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Let’s talk about eating! I had Papa Murphy’s Barbeque Chicken pizza yesterday. I haven’t been to the fridge yet to see if Ben had any last night after coming home from work, but I’m sure there’s still a piece or two in there. It’s not like I remember, but still pretty good.

Of course, there are two kinds of ice cream in the freezer. As I mentioned earlier, one of the oncologists did make mention that Ice Cream could very well become my best friend!

And, I have a craving for cheesecake. Those of you who know me, know about my passion for cheesecake! Ben and I had talked about cheesecake recently; so I bought a cheesecake sampler pack yesterday. Not very good at all. But did I mention that it’s cheesecake?

And did I mention that I’m still 185 pounds.

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“Long-haired, bearded, hippie, dope-fiend freak!”

I’m afraid the time is long past that I will ever hear such words of endearment attributed to me again, although there once was a time. Oh, when I was in high school, I was a proto-typical son of the Midwest. Then came The Awakening in college.

I grew my hair long in college. Although few photos survive from that time period, I do remember when the college wanted to kick all of us long-hairs out! I remember Marilyn, a nice Amish girl that I worked with in the kitchen, pleading with me to not cut my hair. I even went to the ACLU and found that even though The College could kick me out, The ACLU could get me re-instated, guaranteed!

Now, I had nothing invested in my long hair, it was just an experiment to see what it felt like to have and care for long hair. It was more an exercise in individuality than anything else; individuality The College didn’t want me to develop. I wonder why….

I folded; I trimmed my hair to the maximum allowable length, and continued to get in trouble with The College with my developing individuality.

Now, due to chemotherapy, I’m losing all my hair. I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it.

I’ve worn my hair short now for a few years; it’s just plain easier to take care of. And with the big bald spot on top, it looks better than with the ponytail that a friend, Carla, always wanted to cut off.

Most of my beard is loose right now. I figure that it won’t stay in much longer. I guess I’ll wait until it starts to look ratty and then I’ll shave it. The same goes for what hair is left on the top of my head.

I don’t know how this will affect my self-image. I’m waiting to see.

~~~~~~~~

From today’s Horoscope:

“Today you'll come face to face with someone whose delusions of grandeur will
entertain and amuse you. They have a dramatically different view of reality than
you do, and could serve as a cautionary tale. By living beyond their financial
abilities, they are setting themselves up for a serious fall. Any of your advice
will fall on deaf ears, so don't even try to encourage them to be careful with
their money. Just let them live their life and make their mistakes.”

OK, maybe you won’t know who you are.

I’m Finally Losing It!

My hair, that is!

Because of the mouth sores, I’ve been losing some dead skin from my lips. So, naturally, I’ve been picking the loose skin off my lips with my teeth. As a result, I started wondering why I’ve been getting so much hair from my beard in my mouth. An occasional piece I can understand, but not this much.

So I started to investigate.

I find that I can pinch my beard and with very little effort pull out a clump of hair. It’s the same with some spots on my head and chest.

I had thought that some morning I’d wake up and find that I’d have to vacuum the bed. But apparently, I’m going to lose my hair a little slower than that. So, it may be today, or tomorrow, whenever it bugs me, but I’m going to buzz it all off and then shave it. That way, it won’t show up as bald patches.

Life goes on, here!

Fritz, the Cat

That’s it! I’m going to have to go on a diet. I hit 181 pounds this morning. That’s six pounds up from the recent basement!

~~~~~~~~~~

I never was much of one for reading horoscopes; that is, until Robin, that is. I started to pay attention to them, then, and have ever since. At a minimum, they’re harmless fun. And, I might learn something useful from them as well.

Take today’s horoscope for instance:

“You need to start understanding that expressing yourself is necessary to get you to the next level of happiness. In other words, for a healthier life, you need to share your feelings -- no matter what they are. So today, whenever you feel something, express it in the most original and creative way you can. Singing, dancing, cooking or even just goofing around are all great ways to display how you're feeling. If you keep your emotions inside or mask them, you'll be wasting your time.”

I’m not saying there’s going to be any dancing going on, today, but you never know…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben and I stayed up late last night watching movies. And, I slept very well afterward.

One of those family traditions that I’ve always enjoyed with the kids was watching movies. When we go to Florida on vacation, we still try to take in at least one movie in the theater. I remember watching movies like Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights in the University Square Mall with my daughter (I think Ben Begged off that one) and treasure those moments. And, we would rent movies and watch one or two at home, which is why I’m now looking forward to a Shrek Marathon.

So, watching movies at home last night with Ben was a continuation of that tradition. That’s not to say that Ben and I don’t go out occasionally to see something in the theater; we do. But just sitting around the house last night was nice.

We watched 300, a movie that I’d been wanting to see for some time about King Leonidas and the Spartan stand at Thermopylae.

We also watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It was somewhat interesting, but since I was up long past my normal bedtime, I fell asleep often during the movie. I guess you would have to be a fan to understand the movie.

I did find out reading the link for the movie that some characters from the movie, the Mooninites, were the subject of the guerilla marketing campaign featuring circuit boards with flashing LED lights that the Boston Police Department went nuts over in January of this year, reportedly spending over $1 Million dollars investigating the “bomb threat.” Boston was the only city of the ten major cities involved in the marketing campaign that overreacted.

See, I do learn things from my kids.

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As I said, I slept well. I was somewhat late taking my 10:00PM PC so I took only one, figuring I’d be taking another at 2:00AM. But somehow, I slept through the alarm, missing that dose. I woke up without ill effect at 5:30 to commune with Mother Nature and caught up with my dosing schedule. Then I fell back asleep and slept well until almost 10:00.

It’s looking like a pretty good day, people!!

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Nancy stopped by yesterday for a while. We talked about a variety of things and she taught me how to play Go Fish.

I can see I’m gonna have to run up North some weekend. I’ve been away for way too long. And BTW, Nancy, it was the North Country Inn we were trying to think of. See, all the stuff you can find on the Internet!!

~~~~~~~~~

As the “Blogger” here, I get notification when someone responds with a comment to one of my previous posts. I believe that if you were to sign up for an account with blogspot or with Gmail (something I highly recommend) that you would be able to get notifications of new posts, and possibly be notified of new comments too.

So, when I got up at 5:30AM, I checked my email and found that there was a response to my post “Comment Replies” from my sister, Lorie, concerning Fritz, the cute kitten/ cat that my “blushing bride” of nineteen brought to our marriage, he was on my mind as I fell asleep.

Now, “Fritz,” as the name for a cat, isn’t all that unusual. But, in this case, the timing is suspect.

You see, in the 60’s there was an underground comic book character called Fritz, the Cat. And, in 1972, an animated film was produced about that character.

What was so unusual about this film is quite simple:

“…the film was the first animated feature film to receive an X rating in the United States. It focuses on Fritz (voiced by Skip Hinnant), an anthropomorphic feline in the mid-1960s who seduces many female animals in New York City while staying one step ahead of the law. The film is a satire focusing on American college life of the era, race relations, the free love movement, and left- and right-wing politics. Fritz the Cat was the first independent animated film to gross more than $100 million at the box office.”

I’d never seen a VHS copy of the film, but when the DVD became available in 2001, I scarfed it up immediately!!

Now, I was raised in a religion where everything was a sin, including frequenting the theater. You could watch a movie on TV, but you couldn’t see it in the theater without being in jeopardy of going to Hell. And Heaven help you if you got caught going to the movies.

In 1972, I was going to that religion’s major College near Chicago. There were folks who would go down to the local theaters just to see if they could spot the college kids attending the local movies. They’d then squeal to the Dean about all “the sinnin’ goin’ on in town.”

However, it was nothing to go to the theaters in Chicago and see the college’s administrative people, even the Dean himself, standing in line outside the big city theaters.

In ’72, I believe I was spending more time in the Dean’s office than I was in class.

Now, Kris’ friend, Michelle, swore that the movie had nothing to do with the naming of the cute little kitten that group of teenaged girls gave to their friend, Kris, in late ’72 or early ’73.

Yeah, RIGHT!

So Fritz, that cute little bundle of fur that eventually grew up into the cat with so much character, became much more than a cat to me. He became an icon for that entire period in my life. It still surprises me the strong emotions that the mention of that cat evokes when I think about him.

Rest in Peace, Fritz. We still love you!

Urinary Tract Infections

This post is the set up for another upcoming post. I gotta think about something while waiting for sleep to overtake me!

Monday, April 19, 2004, at 5:19 in the morning, I’m crossing a cold, rain-swept parking lot at work, ready to start the first shift of my rotation when an Ottawa spotting truck comes whipping into the lot.

He isn’t supposed to be there. There is a building at the other end of the lot that sometimes needs to have trailers spotted, but not this morning. He’s there, in violation of company rules, to drop off his lunch box and gear, and to start his car so it will be warm when he leaves work in 25 minutes.

The spotter driver also has the habit of sitting with the seat almost on the floor, like the Mexican Low-Riders. And a computer blocks his right side windshield. So the driver can’t very well see anything near him, including pedestrians.

As I said, he comes whipping into the lot at about 15 - 20 mph and immediately makes a right hand turn, driving directly at me. I had time for three thoughts:

1. If he doesn’t see me, he’s going to hit me.
2. If he hits me, I’m going down.
3. If I go down, he’s gonna run over me.

Take another look at the photo of the Ottawa. I hit the truck right at the “O” in the word Ottawa on the bumper. My head, thankfully encased in a helmet, hit the sloping edge of the engine cover. I was knocked unconscious, thrown through the air 20 feet or so, at an angle that left me on the left side of the truck, coming to rest in a puddle of very cold rainwater. It was there that I regained consciousness.

The driver stopped next to me, got out of the truck, walked around me once saying, “You came out of nowhere! I didn’t even see you.” He got back in the truck, as I struggled to stand, and drove off, leaving me there to pick up my helmet that had been between his rear wheels!

I had to make all the calls to let my management know that I wouldn’t probably be finishing out the workday, ‘cause I was going to go to the ER, and proceeded to drive myself to the hospital.

And I never did get paid Workmen’s Comp for the week I was off.

I described that accident for two reasons. First, most folks visiting this blog haven’t heard about my encounter. And, that incident was the start of several decision-making processes.

For example, two weeks later, I came down with my first UTI (Urinary Tract Infection).

Now, I want to go on record right now as having apologized to my ex-, and any other woman who has ever had UTIs, for not being as sensitive to the realities of this condition as I should have. I firmly believe that all men should have to undergo at least one UTI just so they know what is going on when someone else has one.

For me, there was no pain. I did feel “bad” all over, but hey, I had just been run over; it comes with the territory. But, in addition to that, I was tired, shaky, and just plain washed out. I could work, but at half speed, if that. I just dragged myself around.

So off to the doctor I go to describe what is going on. As I said, I didn’t have any pain, at least not the way I define it.

The doctors always ask, “On a scale of 0 – 10, with 10 being the worst, how do you feel?”

For me, “10” is a “shot-in-the-stomach” gall bladder attack, where I would rather kneel along side the gurney, holding myself upright by my arms rather than lay down because laying down put the gall bladder up against the diaphragm which made it hurt even more.

And if “0” is perfectly normal, then “0 to 1” simply indicates sensation. No pain, just “not-normal” feeling. “1 to 2” then represents the beginnings of discomfort. Anything over 2 starts to describe “pain.” Tennis elbow might get to be a subjective “4” but it could never reach a “10” unless my arm was cut off at the elbow. But then, the pain becomes evident and there is no need for silly scales.

So, here I am with a UTI, trying to convince the doctor that something is wrong with me. I had to lie! I had unusual “sensation” upon urination but it never reached the level of “discomfort,” much less “pain.” But I knew what the symptoms that the doctor would be looking for, for the conditions I was describing. So I lied; I said that I had “pain upon urination.”

That got results. Sure enough, one midstream urine sample later, cloudy BTW, and I was prescribed the necessary antibiotics to treat and cure the infection.

So, I try to accurately describe what is going on with me, but that’s not what the doctors seem to respond to. They have their own language that they respond to. If you don’t meet the textbook symptoms you have a tendency to get ignored. I’m finding that out, again.

So, I’m finding I have to translate what I feel into “doctorspeak,” exaggerating symptoms just to facilitate communication.

That’s what my future post will be attempting to do, inform you what’s going on while describing it well enough so that the medical profession can understand as well.

All I wanted was Vitamin C!

Luckily it wasn't this bad when I wanted just to take 2 grams of Vitamin C a day.

But I did have to talk like a good fellow just to get my oncologist to allow me to take it. Imagine what would have happened if I had mentioned "mercury."