Variations On A Theme

I tried most of the day to put into words what I wanted to say, but found that I couldn’t say too much without giving too much information away. Too many folks would figure it who I was talking about, even with a bunch of hypothetical situations, therefore I can’t post anything about it. So I guess I can't tell you what's troubling me.

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I talked with Ben for a while last night and then headed off to bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I put my hand on my back, kinda where it hurts, and tried to stretch. You’ve all seen the gesture. Pregnant women do it all the time with both hands when they’re trying to ease their aching back.

Watching in the mirror I realized that my hand, my pain, was on the same level as my tumor. That’s when it hit me; my sore back is due to the radiation therapy. They hit me from three different directions to minimize the damage to the general area while concentrating as much radiation on the tumor as they could. But the radiation that went straight in passed through my back, and the right side site was pretty much in the back too.

Now I know why my back has been bothering me. If I weren’t so damn observant, I’d just think that I was still fatigued and the lack of exercise was taking its toll.

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As I mentioned before, my Valerian Root is working pretty well. I was up this AM by 7:00-7:30. So, I got up, took my pain meds, started my succession of pills, and jumped on the computer. That was when I heard the knocking at the door. One of my friends from work stopped by to see how I was doing. He’d stopped by several times before and knocked softly but never got a response because Ben was sleeping, and I was probably sleeping with my white noise generator blocking out the extraneous sounds, like light knocking at the door, like it’s supposed to do.

So we had a good talk. He’s working over 60 hours a week and I find that we’re having a lot of new faces show up. And it was he, as I suspected, that left the package of stuff at the back door. He said he figured the book Reservation Road would have been the give-away.

He wanted to take me to breakfast but I had to explain that right now, I’m not normal. But then you knew that already. Until my taste buds and nerves and things get back to being a little more predictable, I can’t treat myself like other people can. But I did explain that and my gratitude for his invitation and how much I hated to have to pass on it. The Ensure did nothing to make me feel any better after he left, either.

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I was feeling rather ambitious today so I dug out the vacuum cleaner. If I’m going to have guests, I want the house looking a little cleaner. I moved a bunch of things out of the living room to make way for a good vacuuming and got started. It was then that I noticed that my vacuum wasn’t picking up very well at all. Investigation proved that a bearing in my brush wasn’t working. My belt was actually smoking!

Well, here was a good opportunity to get a little exercise, so I walked over to the Men’s Mall to pick up a brush assembly. Nothing! No brushes at all! Oh, they had belts and filters, but no brushes. This should be the place that had brushes if anybody should.

So I walked home. Just that bit of effort wiped me out. My back started complaining all over again. It was then that I also realized that I had missed my afternoon pain meds. So I guess I’ll wait to drive somewhere until tomorrow.

I am feeling less fatigued in general, but doing too much can sure tucker me out.

BTW, my fatigue controls a lot of what I can and cannot do. I don’t wish to give the impression that I don’t care about what goes on around me. I care! It’s just that there isn’t a whole lot I can do about it, feeling as fatigued as I have. And, since I have been feeling less fatigued, my anticipation of finally getting something done is increasing by leaps and bounds. It’s kinda like that old joke, “Lord, please give me patience, and I want it NOW!”

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I got an email from an old neighbor today. I shouldn’t call her an old neighbor, since she is younger than I. But she is the neighbor that lived next to me on South Oakland Ave. She finally got into some SSDI housing, she is disabled, and wanted to let me know the changes. Ben goes right by her new place on his way to work.

I replied to her email, but my ISP won’t let the email go out. I’m not even sure if I am getting all my incoming email. I’ve emailed them about the problem before but they couldn’t do anything. It has cleared itself up all by itself last time. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

All my other accounts are working.

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I’m starting to lose my Spanish. I watched Spanglish yesterday and could barely understand the spoken Spanish. Nececito practicar!!!

But you gotta admit that Paz Vega is cute, in any language!

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I’m starting to fade fast, so I think I’ll take my pain meds and my pills, and try to relax. I may not make it until Ben comes home tonight. But he’s off tomorrow, so we’ll have a chance to talk.

I wish a Wendy’s were closer. I’d like to see if that biscuit and gravy was just a fluke since mine didn’t turn out so well.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero.

Nuremberg II