Random Thoughts

And that’s about all they can be, random. Oh, I’ll try to put them into some cohesive framework, but don’t expect much more than that.

I started to write about a subject that has been bothering me, but can’t seem to put the effort into making sense out of what I want to say. So this may truly become random.

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Got dressed yesterday, anticipating a trip back to the VLCC—Amy was right; I anticipated this round would go easier. From what I now hear, they get worse—and I needed to deposit a couple of checks. Anyway, I decided to take a little stroll out of doors to the Men’s Mall since I was dressed, I need the exercise. And my cheerleaders suggested it.

Due to oncoming traffic while crossing the street, I tried to break into a run, or at least a jog. And “break” is the appropriate word; I nearly fell flat on my face. Just like when I climbed the stairs at Teo’s place. I’m losing control of my muscles. Does that come under the heading of Peripheral neuropathy? “Gait abnormalities.” I guess it does.

I can see why I might be disabled, even if I survive the chemo.

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I like logic puzzles. They exercise my brain! Sudoku is my most favorite puzzle at present. My son got me a program for my HP iPAQ, my handheld “pocket computer” I purchased to keep all my notes and info in one place. Today’s Raising Duncan illustrated my point “poifectly!” And, since I was working with Hispanics, Spanish-speaking people, I got a Spanish/English dictionary on a memory card for my iPAQ as well. I like to be able to communicate, and I don’t mind learning a few words doing that.

When the ass’t manager at the SweatShop found out that I liked Sudoku, he made it a point to give me copies of the Sudoku books that came in for destruction. Now, these books were to be destroyed FOR A REASON! Not all the puzzles were solvable!!

I put these books on a shelf in a bookcase in my bathroom. When I have a few minutes to spare in the bathroom(!), I open to an easy puzzle and have at ‘er. I usually can solve one in less than ten minutes. Some take more time.

When I do have a problem with a particular puzzle, I can input the “paper puzzle” into my pocket PC (PPC) program, and it can tell me if it is solvable or not. Then, if it is, I can solve it in my PPC. I can switch from the number format to colored tiles, and back again. The colored tiles really let you see spatial relationships better than the numbers do.

So, I can determine if my inability to solve a particular puzzle is a fault of the publisher or my inability to solve the logic. I can also check the answers in the book to see if they even match the current puzzle. Ask Amy, she can tell you all this.

Recently I started coming up with puzzles, easy puzzles, I couldn’t seem to solve. Not only couldn’t I solve them; I was making mistakes doing so.

Did you notice that last statement? It’s very important. I RARELY make mistakes in Sudoku! Not related to logic, anyway.

I recently tried the ‘hint’ feature on my program and found that there are times in these games when logic won’t help; one needs to guess. I expect to guess wrong. I don’t expect to make mistakes in logic.

So, when I found that I was, I knew that my brain is being affected as well.

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I hadn’t wanted to get too involved in politics with this blog. But it’s kind of hard not to when the government is involved so much in our lives. The treatment I am currently undergoing is a federally-approved course of treatment. I can’t opt for something they didn’t approve. I can’t use substances that they don’t approve of.

As Ronny pointed out, he has to get special paperwork for his pain meds to get them into the States. And, he can’t bring enough to get him trough a three-week stay. That means he’ll have to bring a prescription with him, or maybe have to see a doctor here, and buy American Pharmaceuticals. Not those crappy European ones.

I always wanted to live long enough to be able to tell you “I told you so.” I think I’ve lived long enough.

So, I feel like George Washington, being bled by his doctors for a horseback riding accident, losing 4 POUNDS of blood, only to die from a throat infection.

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Speaking of which, that’s another of my many SFX (side effects) to manifest itself this go round, Candidiasis. You may have called it “thrush” when your kids had it. It’s a fungal sore that manifests itself in the throat, and for some of us, in the intestines, causing all sorts of fun.

My “magic mouthwash” is supposed to help. I had thought it was just for the pain, but I’m told NOW that it will help to actually kill the yeasty beasties. Again, information that gets to me late.

I found that these beasties can only grow in alkaline environments. So I’m attacking on another front. I have intentionally started eating and drinking acidic items. Yes, it does hurt, but it is food!

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Speaking of pain, I have cut way back on my pain meds. When I switched to the current med, it really didn’t do much for me. I thought it was an issue of building up in my system. And then my doc left on a family emergency, or that’s what they told me, so I didn’t worry about it. It didn’t hurt all that much. The joint pain went away when I started supplementing with magnesium, so there really wasn’t anything much to worry about.

Having gone several times without my pain med ‘cause I forgot it, without an increase in pain, my thought was “Why bother.” Either I was given a placebo, or it, like acetaminophen, doesn’t do much for me at such a low dose. So now I take it only twice a day. I could give it up altogether, I suppose, but habits are hard to break.

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Himmy was observed for the first time on the window shelf yesterday. If I had more ambition, I’d post a picture of the situation. But I’d like to get this posted today, get to the credit union, and get back before I crash.

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Jim Z, a co-worker that Teo knows, stopped by to see how I was doing. Jim’s been through something similar. He had colon cancer years ago and had one of my drugs used on him, the 5-FU. I guess the 5 stands for the number of days it’s administered, because I get it by pump, 1.6 mls per hour over five days. Jim had it administered one big shot, once a day, for five days.

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Yes, as Amy intimated, I do check the blog throughout the day. I’ll get back to respond to the comments later today. In periods of lucidity, over the course of several days, I researched and installed a program to monitor who visits my blog. Its’ over there on the left, under the Esophageal Cancer Ribbon, and is called, appropriately enough, SiteMeter.

So now if you say you visit every day, I can tell. :-D

It is interesting however. I’ve had visitors from Barcelona, Spain and from Chile. Once I can think again, I may be able to tell why they happened to hit upon my blog. What info were they looking for?

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I’d better get going. I had a big breakfast, (182 pounds this AM) a whole bunch of OJ, and my Mexican hot chocolate. So, my appetite may be coming back. The juice tasted better today than when I purchased it on Thursday, so my taste may be coming back. I may be on my way to recovering from round 3.

But, I’m still exhausted, and in a foul mood. I’ll try not to let it out TOO much.

Thanks for playing this round of Wouldn't Be Dead For Dollars!