Now I’m Depressed!

No, not THAT way! Let me explain, officer.

I went in Monday to see a doctor only to hear some not-so-good news. It means that I’m gonna hafta do some work. The news on Monday precipitated a visit with a doctor on Tuesday. The visit on Tuesday turned out to be unnecessary because the imagery that was obtained wasn’t the proper imagery needed for this doctor.

I pointed out that a CT scan was taken, but was told that a high-contrast media was necessary to see what they wanted to see. Today’s CT scan was supposed to take care of that.

So I did my research and found that my Power Port—I’m a Power Ranger now—was capable of accepting the pressures necessary to get all the contrast media into my body in a short period of time. The last time I had a CT w/ contrast I had media running down my arm from the IV. I didn’t want that happening again.

So, I mentioned it to the tech escorting me into the bowels of the department. “Oh, we don’t need to worry about that. We don’t need it for this scan.” WTF? I would have stopped but I was already hobbling as slow as I could, I mean as fast as I could. Oh, you know what I mean.

So, if they don’t need the contrast, why am I doing the scams all over again? I mean “scans.” Got bills that need paying, Aurora? I got an insurance company that’ll pay.

I have been joking lately that I’ve finally reached the group that includes the females, the aged, and the infirmed. I just thought that I’d never make all three categories at once, “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. Just shut up and get on the table.” Ladies, I do know how you feel, now.

I asked what the pictures showed since the x-ray taken on 3/19 showed an unremarkable hip joint. The tech, quite properly I suppose, stated that he just runs them and isn’t authorized to interpret them. But he did say that they did look just like hip joints. They looked at both of them. His attempt at humor was appreciated, although not by much. :-)

I mentioned after the CT scam was done, that I needed to see someone about the results of my last two PET scans. To make a long story short—now there’s something new—the tech took me upstairs to the 3rd floor and talked to them about what I didn’t get. Then he took me back down stairs to wait. There are good employees working there. To bad the system wasn’t as good.

Finally an employee came out and said that it would take 2 hours to get what I wanted and asked if I wanted to wait.

I asked if they could send the discs to me like they had on Wednesday. “Oh we can’t do that; these can only go to a doctor through the mail.” So, I get to waste fuel running over to the hospital tomorrow.

Can you see why I get confused?

Why can’t they have procedures in place, with a little check mark next to my name in my records, so they know that, after the doctor has had the chance to surprise me, they can somehow—again, following a procedure—deliver into my sweaty little hands the imagery that I’m looking for?

And it seems that the customer, I mean the patient, needs a champion to get things done. Dr. Patel got me the first two scans. I tried on my own this last time to get the imagery I wanted and you know what happened there. And today, I had a champion in the guise of a technician get me what I wanted, if I’m not being premature.

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So I’ve been playing on the computer trying to get some things done. But I was so-o-o-o groggy. I trundled off to bed in the middle of the afternoon to see if I could reduce the effects of the meds. I fell asleep for a while, but I had strange dreams. I dreamt I was in pain.

Now, I want the imagery from the PET Scans so I can determine the cancerous areas so I can ignore the pain from those areas. That way anything new will be from those areas not associated with cancer. But it’s hard to do that having a 20 second look at a computer screen while the doctor is manipulating the image.

And does it matter if you have real pain or if the pain is from a dream state? It still hurts. And I’m not so sure that it wasn’t real pain that faded just before I woke up.

So, we’ll see how I sleep tonight.

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I did order a book on Cancer. Now, Amy sent a book on cancer that has a lot of good info, but not what I’m looking for.

Have you answered the question what will you do if and when, God Forbid, you find out that you have cancer. What will you do?

I was already so sick, thinking that it was just gastritis, that I didn’t know what to do. In contrast, Bill Sardi comments, “Strikingly, when asked, most oncologists (cancer doctors) would not elect to undergo these same treatments if diagnosed with cancer.”

What to do, what to do? Since I’m on my own now, with the love and support of my family and you guys—Thanks, BTW—I need to figure out where to go from here. And, if I can figure out what you can do to keep yourself from getting into my situation, then at least I will have helped my fellow man as a bad example!! :-)

So, I’ve already downloaded the couple of .pdfs to read. I’ll print them out soon and get them digested. Then I’ll have a 500+ page book to read when it gets here.

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Have I mentioned lately how much I appreciate my kids? When Ben made his comment about the barstools and I picked up on how good an idea that was, I didn’t realize how good that would make me feel. Although I didn’t get the counter done like I wanted, I did get a little further today, and every litter bit hurts, I mean every little bit helps!

So, as you can see, it can get kinda confusing when your world doesn’t make sense. And what’s worse is that when the people who have your life in their hands don’t make sense. Or at least, doesn’t communicate anything approaching sense.

Oh, and hey! Did I mention that I’m starting mouth sores again? Mouth sores? Without chemo?

I need to go in to the hospital tomorrow because I also need to see if I can pick up a couple of letters from one of the doctors that I’ve been waiting on now for a month? The nurses say that he’s having to do the work of 2-1/2 doctors. That makes me feel real confident about the level of care I got, too!!

Anyway, kunolunkwa, y te quiero. And if you happen to see my kids, make sure that YOU tell them that I love them, just in case I haven’t told them lately.