RT, Day 2

I actually felt the beam or whatever it is hit my left side today! Weird! I could have used a pointer and matched the feel of the beam and the feel of the pointer. I bet they would have matched. It didn’t hurt; it was just sensation.

So, I really, really concentrated on the chest and right side treatments, but didn’t feel a thing. Nurse Paula said that they had delivered the exact dose they intended; they had a gauge on me.

I pay attention more than most folks, I guess. Sometimes I can “taste” the dye they use for CT scans. But then, I’m also looking for something. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t have noticed it.

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Which brings me to my final hospital bitch.

If you check Figure 4 in the photo essay of a Port Access, you will notice that Diehl Martin mentions a chemical spray they use to numb the skin prior to accessing the port. The hospital doesn’t use it!

That poor port has been accessed countless times by a needle that isn’t exactly a small gauge. It can get tender!

Now, there are stories about how my grandfather, the Norwegian, could roll up his sleeve and stick a knitting needle in his bicep deep enough that it stood straight up.

I’ve sat perfectly still while my mother slit my skin with a razor blade and probed with a needle to remove an old bullet fragment that had worked its way to the surface and was causing some discomfort. Since she doesn’t believe in alcohol except to sterilize things, I didn’t get any anesthesia prior to her surgery. 8- )

I’m no stranger to pain. I’ve been shot, stuck, cut, and sometimes I’ve done it to myself. And there were even a few times when it was on purpose.

But I don’t like to have to endure pain when I don’t have to. And if it is possible to feel a beam of radiation, imagine what a needle feels like!

There, that’s out of my system. Maybe I can let it go….

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Dammit! Amazing Grace just came on the mp3 player. Bagpipes. Damn, damn, damn!

My best friend and hunting buddy, Rawley, died nine years ago, next month. At his request, we played that song at his funeral. That exact recording.

Today wasn’t the day to hear that! When does the pain of loss go away?

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I don’t know if it’s the radiation or just the progression of the disease, but I have to be very careful when I eat. I do have some pain but it isn’t too bad. Yet. ;- )

The gas in my stomach backs solid (and not so solid) food up against the tumor, which then blocks the sphincter, so I can’t expel the gas. The tumor gets compressed and doesn’t like it. I’m waiting for the time when I try to regurgitate the tumor. I can’t say, “regurgitate,” can I? No, it means "to cast up again." It was never “up” in the first place. Whatever the word, I’m waiting for it to try and make an appearance.

BTW, what does fruit have? Fiber? Bulk? I’m finding out that it’s not a good idea to eat much fruit. (As I reach over and snag a grape; the alcohol comes later. Again, kidding, :- ) although I’m wondering if it wouldn’t help with the pain.) Looks like it’s back to the Ensure for a while.

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Ben and I are planning on seeing the movie, Cloverfield, this weekend. I’m looking forward to it. Maybe I’ll pop a movie in the computer and watch one now. Take my mind off my troubles.

Later! Kunolunkwa!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith