All I Want For Christmas….

Round 4 started today. And apparently, there will be a Round 5 which means there will probably be a Round 6. You know how they like to “round” things out!

I have to wonder why I’m starting to have trouble swallowing again. And now with the SFX (side effects) of the drugs it really messes things up. I’m trying to eat leftover Chinese (Mayflower) from last night. Already it doesn’t taste the same even allowing for the fact that reheated Chinese food never tastes the same. So when I have trouble swallowing and the hiccup SFX starts, does that make things interesting! Looks like I may go back on the Ensure.

Even the steroid, Dexamethasone, nearly dumped me on my face coming up the basement stairs just like what almost happened at Teo’s house. The muscles in my legs just don't seem to work as fast.

Nurse Practioner Nancy Carl (NP N C) when I asked about how rough this round would be said, “I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that it shouldn’t be any worse than the last round. The bad news is that it won’t be any better than the last round.”

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Someone, I believe NP N C, wants me to get my white blood count booster shot the day after my pump is removed.

I have to go back in on a Saturday to get my pump removed. Nurse Martha will have to come in to remove it. I hope that she’s getting paid overtime. Or maybe there are a couple of pump removals occurring on Saturday. I did see a few pumps walk out today. That’s not saying they’re all on 5-FU which is a five day schedule, though.

So, to get my booster shot, I have to drive back over there on Sunday and go to the hospital portion and talk them into giving me my shot. The insurance company won’t let me give myself a simple sub-Q shot. Since I’ve given them to Amy, I should be able to give one to myself. But no-o-o-o-o! I even mentioned that Ben is giving Himmy sub-Q insulin shots. Same answer!

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I thought that there was more that I wanted to say but I can’t think of it right now, so I may come back and edit this post.

Which leads me to this:

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Fair warning! It is now officially the Christmas Season; I heard Christmas songs in Wal Mart today! That means that Vince Vance and the Valiants Christmas CD All I Want For Christmas Is You comes out of cold storage (pun intended; actually though I listen to it all year ‘round) and will be heard in the HBen household!

Follow the link to Amazon.com, page down to the Listen to Samples section and click on your choice of player for the first cut, the title song featuring Lisa Lane. I hope I’m not betraying my age when I exclaim, “What a set of pipes!” I love her jazzy version of this song!

I’m listening to the CD right now; all the girls have great voices!! And, if you stop to think about what the songs are saying, the snow will turn your eyes just a little misty, I’m guessing.

Now, kids, you gotta humor me this year! :-D And I’m sick! :-D And I’ll just be getting off the pump on Christmas Eve! :-D And I might be getting a shot on Christmas Day! :-D I need all the good cheer and good feeling music I can get! :-D

Proof of Efficacy?

“What possessed you to write your Proof of Existence post?” you might ask.

It’s quite simple. We all have a “preferred” view of the world, a 'paradigm’ if you will. A way that we react and respond to what happens around us. (And yes, Nettie, I know that k.d. doesn’t like the term ‘paradigm.’ He’ll get over it, eventually. Or…. he won’t.)

Anything that challenges our worldview is usually discarded and considered by most people to be unworthy of even thinking about. Just because someone says it’s so, doesn’t mean it’s so. And conversely, just because someone says that it isn’t so, doesn’t mean that it isn’t so. But then again, I’m a freethinker; I always have been, always will be.

I guess I’m not alone. Today Jean Alexander, in her article, Mothering, over at The Libertarian Enterprise, described her attempts to teach her children right:

I make sure to educate my children to not blindly follow. . . anyone. We teach them to question and use their intelligence, rather than emotions, to review and analyze information. We've made clear that just because it comes from our president (or other government or corporate official) in a televised speech doesn't mean it's true. We've made sure they question even *us*, their parents, if they feel they are right or don't understand. We've made very clear the difference between opinion, fact, and emotionally charged rhetoric. And so, my three will be. . . less handicapped.

I tried to do the same with my kids. Of course, that doesn’t mean that they, or I for that matter, will always be right. But it does mean that they won’t always be wrong. I have to admit that there are times when I wish I had trained them to believe their father, but I'd rather know that they believe me because I'm right rather than from some conditioned response.

In a response to B.W.Richardson’s article Attack of the 50-Foot Quotidian, Sunni Maravillosa, in her article Why Not a Quotidian Quest for Greatness? (Or, Fuck That Shit, and All Ye Who Peddle It.), quotes John Taylor Gatto as having said:

I’ve concluded that genius is as common as dirt. We suppress our genius only because we haven’t yet figured out how to manage a population of educated men and women. The solution, I think, is simple and glorious. Let them manage themselves.

(Shelly, you may remember that we discussed JTG and that I forgot to loan you his book Dumbing Us Down when you were here. You GOTTA remind me about these things!!!!!)

Now, just for grins and giggles, let’s say that I was born back before the Prussian style of education, designed to produce good little soldiers and workers, got too firmly established in America. Born out in the central Midwest, somewhere like Kansas or Nebraska, where it takes a while for the depredations of the educational socialists to be felt. How about we say Nebraska, in the year 1888?

Being able to manage myself--remember Gatto’s quote--I exercised my ‘genius’ exploring my passion for microscopes, microbiology, and electronics. Not having anyone to tell me that it can’t be done—not that I would listen at all, believing like Richardson and Maravillosa—I designed a microscope with over 6,000 parts, over two feet tall, weighing 200 pounds, and capable of enlarging an image over 61,000 times. With such powerful resolution I would be able to see viruses. And since I’m using radiation in the visible and near visible spectrum of light, I wouldn’t be killing the virus by simply looking at it like electron microscopes of today do.

I invented technology that is still in use in quite a few fields; optics, electronics, radiochemistry, biochemistry, ballistics, and aviation. It is only recently that my “Universal Microscope” has been equaled but not necessarily duplicated.

Having been the subject of newspaper articles, not to mention articles in Science, Popular Science, and California and Western Medicine magazines, in addition to The Smithsonian Institute documenting my accomplishments and my microscopes in their magazine, you’d think I was doing pretty well now.

You’d be wrong!

It all started when I found out that not only could I watch live viruses, I also learned how to kill them. Selectively! No one told me that I couldn’t do it so I tried exposing them to various frequencies of radio waves. Because I was watching them in real time, I could tell when I reached a frequency that killed them. I’d mark the dial on my transmitter so I could find that frequency again. We didn’t have frequency counters back then so that I could write down the precise frequency.

Mark Twain said, “What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.” (A tip of the tam o’shanter to k.d. for that Twain quote!)

So, while playing around with the killing of viruses, I mean ‘working’ on killing viruses, I soon suspected that cancer was caused by a virus that I named the “BX” virus. After 20,000 unsuccessful attempts, I isolated the particular virus I thought responsible for cancer and injected it into 400 lab animals. I caused 400 cases of cancer to develop in those lab animals. But, not only did I cause the 400 cases of cancer, I used my radio frequency techniques to cure those same cases of cancer.

This caused such a stir that, in 1934, a committee was formed to bring 16 terminally ill cancer patients to my lab and clinic to see what I could do for them. My work was supervised by the Chief of Bacteriology at the Mayo Clinic, the director of Northwestern Medical School, the president of the University of Southern California, the chief surgeon of the Santa Fe railway, along with folks from the Children’s Hospital in New York, the Metabolic Clinic in La Jolla, California, the Hooper Foundation in San Francisco, the Chicago University, along with various and sundry other folks, like doctors and pathologists.

That’s when everything hit the fan. I cured 14 of the patients within the 90 days that they had been expected to live. The other two took me another couple of weeks to cure. In one test, sixteen patients were CURED out of sixteen diagnosed terminally ill cancer patients!! That’s a 100% success rate in my book.

Remember when I asked how many flying saucers that it took to prove that flying saucers existed? Let me ask you this: “How many patients do I need to cure to prove that something that I’m doing is “curing” these patients of cancer?”

Now, I realize that putting your hands on the control panel of an extra-terrestrial saucer and playing with the switches is a bit different than me trying to control a multitude of variables to produce a desired effect, the complete remission of cancer. In addition to the sixteen patients I cured in the first test I, and others like me, continued to treat and cure other patients.

Now, with my memory the way it is now, I can’t recall the exact success rate that I, or anyone else, experienced. However, given the facts as I have presented them here, is there a chance that I have discovered a cure for cancer? One that deserves further exploration to determine whether or not it works as intended?

What do you think?

Proof of Existence

Earlier, I asked the question, “How many flying saucers does it take to prove that flying saucers exist?” The answer to that question is that it takes only one to prove the existence of flying saucers.

Now, what constitutes proof for you? Do you have to touch it? Do you have to see it fly? What if it has crashed and is incapable of flying? Will the testimonies of “experts” suffice?

The burden of “proof” is different for different people.

When I was in high school I worked in the woods one summer with my uncle and cousins “peeling popple.” We would cut poplar trees down, remove the limbs, peel the bark off the trunk, and then cut the trunk into 8 foot logs for the papermaking industry.

As we were sitting on the tailgates of the trucks one lunch hour, I noticed what appeared to be a round silvery object floating along with the clouds on the breeze that was coming down from the North. I called attention to the object, because I had never seen anything like it in my 16 or 17 years of existence. Our boss, Emmett, blurted out, “Must be one of them goddamn flying saucers.” It didn’t appear to be ‘flying’ at the time, however.

I thought from its behavior that it could be a silvery weather balloon until it suddenly stopped relative to the clouds and let the clouds float on by. I couldn’t imagine a weather balloon doing something like that.

It stayed in one position for several minutes until a big cloud covered the object. Suddenly, we watched as the object rose straight up out of the cloud and accelerated at high speed until we could no longer see it.

Now, by definition it was an Unidentified Flying Object. I had no reference for something shaped like that to be exhibiting that type of behavior. I couldn’t ‘identify’ it. Was it a “flying saucer” as our boss stated? I don’t know. “Insufficient data,” as Mr. Spock would say. But it was definitely outside my realm of experience and understanding. And, as Nettie opined in her comment to my original question, the existence of something like what we observed makes me open to the possibility that it might have been intelligently controlled. With all the stars in the sky and all the planets in existence, I find it difficult to believe that life here on Earth is the only life in the entire universe. Therefore, there may be intelligent life elsewhere that might be sufficiently curious enough to come study us. We study lower forms of life; why shouldn’t “they?”

That one incident didn’t “prove” the existence of flying saucers to me, but it did keep the possibility wide open.

Flying Saucers?

Not much went on today. The Sominex seemed to work well; I only had to get up twice and I seemed to fall back asleep rather quickly. It seems I may end up getting addicted to diphenhydramine.

I haven’t been feeling particularly well lately. I was cold when I woke up so I turned the thermostat up to 68 degrees. That and two layers of fleece seemed to work. I just remembered that I wanted to dig out my cold weather clothes, including long johns that I might start wearing around the house! So I grabbed them from the basement.

But I was running a temp of 99.5 earlier this evening, so there I was shedding clothes. I usually run a degree lower than average, so for me, I had a temp of what most folks would consider 100.5. But since I’ll be in to see the doc on Monday, I’ll wait to see what they have to say.

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Ken, I did an Internet search and found a site to tell me how to replace the headlight in my vehicle. So, armed with a can of penetrating oil which I love, BTW, I loosened the clips that I couldn’t remove by hand earlier and changed out the bulb. I’ll have to see whether or not it works later. That light is only out when it’s dark. It works fine during the day. Huh????? I know!

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You know, I signed several of those release forms to get my documentation from the hospital and the clinic. Over two weeks ago I sent a check in for my old info from two years back and I still haven’t seen any of it. What does a person have to do to get their info?

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I finally found out what I have. I needed to fill out a form for a death or disability policy for my vehicle loan and I had the paperwork returned to me. So, I found that I have “Invasive adenocarcinoma of the esophagus with metastasis to stomach and lymph nodes.” That makes me a Stage 4A patient. Or at least, I was a Stage 4. I don’t know if, due to chemo and the like, one can revert to a previous stage.

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I tried to make an in-house version of my deer camp chili, but the chili was a bust. I don’t know what went wrong; it’s the first time I ever lost a batch of chili. I don’t know if it was the pot, the fact that I scorched a little of the meat, or the fact that the mix or the tomato sauce might have been over eight years old. It didn’t have a use-by-date.

But I had to throw it out. It smelled and tasted like cow pies. Not very appetizing.

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I’m going to leave you with a question that will eventually lead to a post, maybe even tomorrow while I can still think. Here it is:

How many flying saucers does it take to prove that flying saucers exist?

H.A.D. - A Short Story

OK, I didn’t get up Nort’ today, I’ve been puttering around the house.

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Things went well at Kris and Ken’s yesterday. The food was good—it still is, we brought home a bunch—and so was the conversation. As they say, “A good time was had by all.”

This despite the fact that I ended up with only 5-1/2 hours of sleep. Went to bed about 10:00, woke up about 2:00, and spent four hours trying to get back to sleep. Finally, at 6:00 I fell asleep for almost an hour and a half.

So last night, I thought I’d try a sleeping pill so I took one Nyquil gel cap. I know, I know, today I realized that it wasn’t a sleeping pill, but a cold medicine, but last night I thought it was. Shows how tired I really was. It actually seemed to work, but Ben mentioned that it can make one drowsy.

Therefore, I stopped by the store today and picked up some Sominex 25mg tablets. I get the low dose so I can take just one tablet. Usually they make me drowsy the next day if I take a full dose. We’ll see if they're any better than Nyquil.

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The reason I didn’t get up Nort’ is that the person we were going to see came back for Thanksgiving and decided to go shopping with his new wife today. I know what Rawley would say about that, “He’s losing his ‘woodsy ways,’ already!” I guess it’s up to me to start hunting again just to keep the young bucks in line! :-D

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As you might guess, I spend a lot of time on the Internet doing research educating myself. I don't read newspapers or watch TV but I do read a variety of sites, not all of them will I agree with. But the viewpoints give me something to think about. More on that at a later date.

One of my favorite sites is by Sunni Maravillosa. She posted a link on Wednesday that I thought may be a portent of things to come considering my viewpoint.

Can anyone say “dystopian?”

Happy Thanksgiving, Tomorrow

I've long lamented the fact that Green Bay doesn't have a local Spanish language radio station, but apparently I was wrong. For the Spanish language speakers out there, I’ve found a local (Appleton/ Green Bay) Spanish language radio station, WISR 105.7 SCA. Notice that I didn’t say 105.7 FM, WAPL. "SCA" means sub carrier or a sub-frequency and requires a special radio that costs about $35, available at some of the Hispanic businesses.

In the meantime, I can listen on the Internet (I’m listening right now.) and hear local advertisers. I’ll admit I do have trouble listening at the speed that some of the DJs talk! LOL!

Along the same lines, my son brought home from work a Hispanic “revista” or magazine called Consumidor Hispano. It’s primarily advertisements, but I can learn as much reading ads as I can reading text books! I’ll have to subscribe!

And there are a few restaurants in the revista that I’d like to visit!

While listening to the online radio, they run ads from advertisers in the Consumidor Hispano. It’s interesting to try and read the ad while listening to the online version!

BTW, Amy, Luis from Latinos Unidos has an ad in the CH along with una photographia!

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Replying to a comment tonight about my use of my leaf blower brought to mind my activities of yesterday. I got bugged by all the leaves on the roof so I climbed up, blew off the roof, and then blew out the gutters. So I got that out of my system!

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As I’ve mentioned before, my best friend and hunting buddy was like my big brother to me, my “blood brother” in everything but fact. We never had to mix our blood to cement our kinship. So I guess that makes his kids just like my nieces and nephew.

So, my “blood niece’s” husband ended up in the hospital due to a blood clot in his lungs while out hunting. After a stop in a hospital farther Nort', he finally ended up in the hospital two blocks away from me so I sucked it up and walked the two blocks (!) to the hospital to visit him and to his family the last couple of days. It was good to see every one!!

He’s doing well, looking forward to getting out of the hospital and back out into the woods. If things work out well for him, we’re planning on running up Nort’ on Friday to visit my “blood nephew.” We don’t plan on doing any hunting, but we might “pop a cap” on a weapon or two, just to see if they still go bang!

So that is part of the reason I haven’t been on here as much as I could have.

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Part of the reason I brought up the previous comment was that while in the hospital the name “Aleah” came up. Ever notice how you may not hear a name for years and then all of a sudden you keep hearing a name all over the place?

Which brings to mind the comment Nettie made about her great-niece, Aleah, and the possibility of having her placed in her home. Anyone hear anything about that???

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My inbox has filled up the past couple of days. There are about 10 emails that I still need to respond to so if you’re expecting a reply, it might take me a bit. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so I’ll be away from the computer most of the day. Friday I just may be gone all day. So please forgive me if I’m a little slow.

Well, it’s almost 9:00 so I’d better wrap this up. I have to get up early to do some baking for tomorrow. I may even hit a store early tomorrow. But no way am I going shopping on Black Friday!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, tomorrow!

Deer Hunting Stories?

I thought that I’d add a couple of pictures to the blog.

I had mentioned earlier that Himmy had finally made it on to the window shelf and that I had caught it on, on, on…. I guess we don’t capture pictures on film much anymore, do we? And I guess we don’t say we captured them on a digital card. At least I’ve never heard of it being put that way. See what I mean about language following along behind reality?

Anyway, here’s a photo of Himmy on the shelf. If you don’t know about Himmy, you’re probably wondering what the white thing is that looks like a diaper. It is! A diaper, I mean. Because Himmy is diabetic, he has a problem with continence. My son not only gives Himmy two insulin shots a day that I know of, he also takes regular baby diapers, modifies them to fit his cat, and changes Himmy’s diapers several time a day.

See why my kids amaze me? Rescues, surgeries, insulin intervention, and even diapers!

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Next is a picture of my front yard under my tree. I don’t even know what kind of tree it is; I’m not familiar with the type. Notice the coverage of leaves on the ground. That happened one night. It got cold and they all dropped off the tree. Unfortunately, they didn’t all drop on the ground. If you look at my roof, you will notice the leaves there as well.

The roof looked like the ground did, all evenly covered. We did get a bit of wind that moved some of the leaves around. If you look real close you will notice that the gutters are clear though. I did have leaves hanging over the edges of the gutters.

My extension for my leaf blower worked pretty well, so I have glued more of the parts together. Unfortunately, you see the leaves still on the roof? Since I wasn’t on the roof to blow them off, I’ll have to clean them out of the gutter again as soon as the wind moves them around. But it does mean that I won’t have to climb up on the roof.

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This year has been relatively strange for me, what with the illness and all. For whatever reason, I have paid more attention to the coming of deer hunting this year than most. Nine years ago, I would have been up in the woods this past weekend and all this coming week, for that matter. I have been watching the cars come back to the city with their burden of trophies on top and wishing I had been in the woods myself.

That’s probably why I felt the urge to cook a pot of chili. I used to make the chili in deer camp over an open fire. Unfortunately, I made chili out of a mix today. It wasn’t too bad; it was made with buffalo meat. But like my son said, it was a bit “busy,” lot’s of strange flavors. Next weekend I think I’ll make some . Carroll Shelby’s Texas chili. Yes, it’s out of a brown paper bag, but it does taste pretty good. At least it used to.

Interesting Note on the link to Amazon.com; curretnly on the page is a note that people who have purchased CS's Texas Chili also purchased Shrek the Third. How funny is that?

Back to deer, I was wondering if anyone has any deer stories they want to tell. Or at least update me/us on how your hunting folks did in the woods this year. Any takers?

What is Success?

I'm going through my piles of paperwork and finally getting around to filing or discarding the pages I have hung onto for whatever reason for so long.

I found the following quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that I'd like to share with you. To know me is to know why the quote means so much to me.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a little bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden path, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one person has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Update on my mutt

Hi all,

Well I know this topic isn't necessarily relevant to Dad's cancer, but many of the folks who read this may be interested in it, so i'm gonna post about it. My girl dog, Mia, has had a bad leg for awhile, due to mal-treatment as a pup. On 11/4/07, her knee finally blew. So, to repair it, she had surgery yesterday, and came home today. This is relevant to Dad and others who will be in Green Bay for Christmas, 'cause now I'm driving up there for the holidays for sure (instead of flying) and my monsters are coming with me, since she has 16 weeks of gradual recovery. I'll be regularly doing her physical therapy through Christmas. Dad, is there any way to rig up a small swimming pool in your basement ;-)? And yeah! This will give Dad TONS of more critter-cuddling therapy ;-).

The surgery went well. The doc repaired two torn ligaments and cut a HUGE chunk of arthritis out of her knee. It had begun to rub on and into her thigh bone. Mind you, she's only 2.5 years old, so arthritis isn't good. She's in pain, but is handling it like a trooper. I think its harder on me than on her ;-)!

Now begins my hell because i have to keep her relatively immobile and gradually get her walking on it. As Dad and Ben can tell you, this dog does NOT slow down, so this will be interesting....

If you're visiting GB for the holidays, not only will you get to see Dad, Ben and I, but my beloved monsters, as well ;-)!.

Please wish Mia well, and wish me peace and sanity in trying to keep her calm and sedate ;-).

xoxoxo,

Amy

"Out of the Mouths of Babes"

I followed a link on a site that I visit every day that lead me to a website that featured a cartoon-a-day. It is a site that describes itself as a “webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.” I like it even if I don’t always get the joke. You have to be young and more Internet-savvy than I to get the full effect. When I told Ben I'd send him a link to the site, me told me there was no need, that the name of the site was easy for him to remember. I had to look the name up in an on-line slang dictionary. (Save the link. You can use it for other Internet slang, like ROTFLMAO. )

However, perusing the XKCD site, I found a ‘toon that I thought a fellow Internet Firefly friend would probably like, so I sent it off to him. He liked it so much, it ended up in his blog. Made me feel good!

I continued to review the cartoons when I found the one pictured here, Binary Sudoku. I loved it. I can finish each puzzle in one second; two seconds tops!

It reminds me of another “Binary” joke, “There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.”

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I thought that I had posted this next info already, but I didn’t see it anywhere. Just goes to show you what chemo brain can do. I tried to place my order for my meds over the Internet three times before I finally remembered enough to get it done.

When I talked with my doc on Friday, I mentioned my being female according to the report results of my x-rays. He surprised me by saying that he was the head of the Quality Control committee, but getting the correct info on reports isn’t their major concern. Made me feel real comfortable; “I’ll tell you that for nothing.”

But his belief that I was called a female was due to my using an initial for my first name and their computer system not being able to use a full middle name. I end up H. B. And, there are females who use their initials to try and hide the fact that they are female. And since I do get mail from the hospital for “Ms H.” I can believe the explanation. But why do I need to get all the mail for the OB/GYN department?

OK, I dug out the mail and will try to get it changed tomorrow.

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I stopped by Teo’s this afternoon to see him. He had an appointment with some folks and I was interested to hear how the appointment turned out. Besides, I hadn’t seen him for a while, what with me not feeling well and all.

While talking with him, his lovely daughters wanted some attention from us as well, which didn’t bother me at all. One of you guys should reassure him that I love kids, especially little girls, and set his mind at ease. I believe that it stems from losing a sister when I was 3 and she was 18 months. And, I agree with a favorite author of mine when he stated, “Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.”

But like any good father, he gets concerned when his daughters climb all over one of his guests. But I don’t mind. I’m still a kid at heart.

Anyway, his youngest, Natalie mentioned that I didn’t have any hair. She was used to seeing me with some white hair and my white beard. They haven’t seen me that often this year to get used to me since most of my hair fell out. So I told her to feel my head because I did have some stubble trying to grow back in. So there she was standing on the couch behind me rubbing her hands all over my head. The words, out of the mouth of this 3-year-old bi-lingual babe sounded something like this, “like a baby.” She thought my head felt like a baby’s head!!! And she should know, she has a six-month-old nephew that lives with them.

Now, Amy, I know that you are flashing back to 4-year-old Zach calling me “Bobble-head Ben” and just chuckling away. Teo and I thought it was pretty funny too.

I guess that’s another reason I like kids, their honesty. Before they get “socialized” they have a tendency to tell things as they see it. And I do appreciate honesty, even if it might hurt a bit. Not that being told I have a head that felt like a babies head hurt my feelings. I thought it was funny and I will remember it for quite some time. And having said something here about it, I’m sure my kids won’t let me forget either. I hope!

Nothin' to Say!

I had a talk with Ben today about how it's getting difficult for me to put together posts for this blog.

I'm in between Round 3 and Round 4 of chemotherapy. But I'm feeling pretty good, although a little under the weather due to a probable cold. However, if I had the opportunity, I'd be working the next two weeks!

I'm up to 190 pounds or so. So much so that I went out today and bought fruits and veggies. Tomorrow I'm starting a high protein, low fat diet. I want to lose some more fat.

Since my news that my tumor has been reduced by over 60% or so, according to my personal physician, the responses to my posts have dropped off the map.

So, I have decided to only post once a week or so. So, if you don't see anything for a while, that's why. I will still maintain my schedule post. But, with nothing going on, I have nothing to post. That's why I have censored myself on several occasions when I started to post comments that belong in another venue. I do have other places that I'd like to post, but it takes a while right now to pull my thoughts together.

For example, I've had an email response to a "libertarian" who decided to spam me in draft form for almost two weeks until I could pull my thoughts together well enough to respond to his invasion of my property. Just be glad I didn't post it here; you probably wouldn't understand either.

I don't know when I'll decide to blog, what day of the week. I don't know that I can promise anything. So check back whenever you can.

Oh, I received an interesting phone call the other day. It seems that the Green Bay office of Ingenix called me for my insurance company to clarify some charges. I had to ask which office was calling; I thought initially that it was the other Ingenix office. LOL But I was surprised.

No More Pain!

Or, at least, no more pain meds. Stopped by my personal physician’s office for a follow up to my pain issues. Since the meds he had ordered didn’t seem to work and since my cancer pain has dropped to a tolerable level, we discontinued the pain meds altogether.

That’s not to say that I am without pain. My joint pain has been increasing lately and the pain meds didn’t seem to help that pain at all. And taking down the tree yesterday hasn’t helped at all.

So, I will be using the natural anti-inflammatory turmeric to help control my joint pain.

My doctor informed me that he will be attending a conference in Chicago in December on complimentary medicines, i.e. using naturally occurring anti-inflammatories for pain reduction. They are starting to get it!!

I don't have much more to say. I started on a long-winded rant about the Jehovah's Witnesses who decided that my No Soliciting signs don't apply to them, but I decided not to bore you.

You're Welcome!

Look! Today is Thursday!

The scintillating titles continue.

I was up three pounds this AM. Not too terrible. Might have had something to do with the Papa John’s pizza I had last night. It wasn’t too bad. Maybe my taste buds are back. The crumb cake I bought this afternoon was pretty good as well.

I only got five hours of sleep last night. By 10:00AM I was already taking a nap! I’d like to know what the problem is.

But I did get the lawn mowed, did edging on the sidewalk, and even leaf-blowed the sidewalks. That should take care of things until spring. I hope.

I even did the dishes. Now, in all fairness, these are dishes I used and left on the counter to clean. Ben has been doing his own dishes, pretty much as he generates dirty ones. So, don’t get the idea that Ben leaves them for me to do. Just wanted to clarify that.

Tomorrow, I’d like to remove that small tree at the northeast corner of the house. It’s between one huge tree and the house, so it leans over the house to try and get to the sun. Along the way, its branches interfere with the power and cable lines. It’s going down!!! Hopefully, tomorrow after my doctor’s appointment.

Yup! I see my personal physician for the third time tomorrow. We get to talk pain meds. I haven’t a clue what’s going to happen.

I finished Season 2 of NCIS tonight. It ended badly as I suspected. One of the characters didn’t return for Season 3, so I figured it might influence the plot. It did. So, Season 3 starts off with a bang, playing on the Season 2 finale. Pretty good stuff! I hope I don’t start regretting not having a TV.

Well, “without further eloquence,” I’m off to bed.

Wednesday is Today

Hey, it's heck trying to think up titles all the time!

184 again this morning. Seems like I've plateaued out. And 185 isn't all that bad. It was my goal a year ago. But I still have a layer of fat that I'd like to get rid of. OK, maybe not right now.

~~~~~~~~~

I've been doing paperwork today. I found out that my cancer drugs run almost $6 K per round. It's getting so you can't afford to be alive anymore.

And you almost need someone to interpret your insurance statements for you. For example, my insurance company refuses to pay for talking to the doctor during one chemo session, while they paid for it on another.

Reminds me of AT&T making "mistakes" in their favor on my bills. If I don't catch them , they continue to make money every month. When I do catch them and ask for an adjustment, they use the opportunity to try to sell me something else.

Bills are getting so complex, and mindful of my comments on customer service, the necessity to watch every transaction is imperative. And the to try and do it with chemobrain....

~~~~~~~~~

I don't really have much to say tonight, so I'm going to give it a rest. OK?

Near Normal…

That’s how I feel today, near normal, at least so far. I haven’t done much so I haven’t hit my wall yet when my energy just runs out and I’m left to vegetate.

~~~~~~~~~

I was 184 again this AM. And I find that I’m zipping through my Sudoku puzzles easier again.

My pocket PC game maintains statistics. My best time for the last ten ‘easy’ games has been 5:20. That’s five minutes and twenty seconds. Since my recent games on my PPC and on paper have all been in the range of 7 – 9 minutes, how long was the game that blew my average for those 10 games up to 21:27? I don’t even want to think about it.

~~~~~~~~~

I must be feeling better. I got to sleep OK; my melatonin works just fine. I still had some trouble with the 4AM to 6AM time period though. I do remember dreaming then, but I was up and down as well.

You see, in explaining some of this to you, I learn something as well. Reading, skimming really, the Wikipedia article on melatonin, I found that my falling asleep with the lights on might be interrupting my natural melatonin production cycle. Moral of the story, make sure I turn the lights off before succumbing to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~

Anonymous had left a message quite a while back stating that they voted for a private nurse for me, to keep track of my meds and pretty much take care of me. I’ve often thought about that, not that I could even do something like that, but how would this be affecting a significant other (SO), if I had one.

Although I pretty much sleep in one position, especially when I’m hooked up to the pump, when I hit that 4AM point, I’m fairly restless. I end up tossing the covers, getting up frequently, and just plain fussing around. When I’m up, I can seem to be normal for a while, doing dishes, cleaning up, doing productive things, and then I hit that wall and then I can’t seem to get anything done.

When I’m doing OK, things wouldn’t be too bad for my SO. But when I’m feeling like death warmed over, and there’s nothing she could do, how would she feel? And then how would I feel, knowing how she must feel? Maybe things worked out for the best.

~~~~~~~~~

I’m going to have to be cautious, now that I have 2 –2/3 seasons of NCIS to watch. I want to get a whole bunch of things done. But my “condition” can become a convenient excuse to just sit down and vegetate for a while. Even though I have almost three weeks before Round 4 starts, those days can pass quickly.

So, please feel free to bitch at me, I mean cheer me on, to keep me productive. If I need to rest, I need to rest. But, I don’t have to sit on my butt all the time. And sometimes it can get to be hard to tell the difference between need and desire.

~~~~~~~~~

The neighbors mowed the lawn around me today. Now my lawn looks like crap. So, I’m going to need to get out there and mow. Today is too cold and windy. I don’t mind the wind, but the cold does seem to affect me more. And I still don’t know where summer went. I shall husband my strength for a few days. Maybe when it's closer to the weekend I'll be able to get to it.

Patients, NOT Customers!

Today, I weighed in at 184 pounds, so I’m not shrinking. Although I got to sleep OK, I ended up waking up around 4:00 AM and couldn’t seem to be able to get back to sleep.

Got up about 6:20 and decided to get ready to go to my appointment. Site Meter tells me I got on the computer right around 6:30, finally getting to my blog about 6:38.

Ben had to go in to work early, so we got a chance to talk this morning. I was going to stop somewhere for breakfast, so I just had a piece of Cherry Cheese Danish to take my pills, planning to eat later. I forgot. I forgot to stop anywhere, for breakfast.

But it was nice to feel as perky as I did this morning. I washed the dishes, cleaned the stovetop, and generally putzed around waiting for my appointment. But later, when that perky feeling wore off, it was just like before, out of gas.

I wish I’d have stopped for breakfast. Lunch at Taco John’s was terrible. And I do have quite a bit of my taste buds back. Sometimes you wonder how they get away with serving such crap.

~~~~~~~~~

Paul, from the Egg Farm, stopped by next door, so I walked over to talk to him. I haven’t seen him since last summer. I believe. Paul is “shirt-tail” relation. His wife and my brother Bill’s wife are sisters.

I had to show off my new look. He said I looked great!

~~~~~~~~~

I mentioned some Finnish musicians and filmmakers for Finnish Public Television and the rude welcome they received flying into Minnesota for a “cultural tribute” for Finnish-Americans.

I married a Finnish-American. Heck, my kids are half-Finnished, I mean Finnish-American.

I told you so!

~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know if I told you that my son got me hooked on a TV show called NCIS. We watched Season 1 on DVD. I like to watch it to figure out where they are going with the plot. When I’m right, I have the satisfaction of being right, and when I’m wrong, it’s usually a pleasant surprise.

Anyway, we ordered the next three seasons. Unfortunately, Season 2 was ordered from somewhere in the state of Washington. They say they shipped a week ago last Saturday, but they didn’t arrive until today. So, I’ve been sitting here, not feeling too terribly motivated at all, and all I had to watch were Seasons 3 & 4. And I didn’t want to watch them out of order.

So, I finally started watching Season 2 today.

~~~~~~~~~

My labs went well. There were anomalies, but within the parameters for the treatments I’m getting.

And Nurse Practitioner Carl said everything else was looking good. I’m scheduled to go back for Round 4 in about three weeks.

We spoke about getting an exercise program started; she had no problem with that. I’ve lost muscle mass that I need to replace. I still have way too much fat. And, it may help with the peripheral neuropathy.

We also discussed my “supplements.” With the exception of not being able to use my Valerian Root for my insomnia and digestive pain (interestingly, cats also respond to valerian root the same way they do to catnip), according to NP Carl I can take the IP-6 and the hyaluronic acid.

The IP6 I want to take for several reasons; its anti-cancer activity being only one reason. It’s also a chelating agent for iron and other toxic metals!!!!!

The hyaluronic acid is supposed to be good for the joints, which are starting to bother me again. And, yes, I think I’m taking my magnesium. When I remember.

So, as far as I’m concerned, that’s good news! You see, according to the Nutrition Journal, and Bill Sardi, folks who take dietary supplements, like me, may be the healthiest of all the population!! :-D

~~~~~~~~~

So I got to my appointment before 10:00 AM today. Went in to have my blood drawn for the labs shortly after 10:00. Went through my interview with the nurse, and then waited for my 10:30 appointment with NP Carl. These appointments are set up so the Dr./ NP can review my lab results before meeting with me.

NP Carl came in about 10:45. We went through our interview and she left to get the results of the labs. They hadn’t come in when she came in to talk to me. She came back with the results of one set of tests, the blood cell counts, but was still waiting on the rest. Waiting. Waiting.

One of the nurses stopped by to let me know that they hadn’t forgotten me, but my results weren’t back yet.

Finally, almost noon, NP Carl comes back with my results. I left the exam room at 12:05 PM. It took almost two hours for results that should have been available in a half hour!

Now you know why they call us patients. In dealing with the medical system, you need to have patience. A “customer” would get fed up having to wait and find another supplier of the needed services. A patient is expected to wait!

Random Thoughts

And that’s about all they can be, random. Oh, I’ll try to put them into some cohesive framework, but don’t expect much more than that.

I started to write about a subject that has been bothering me, but can’t seem to put the effort into making sense out of what I want to say. So this may truly become random.

~~~~~~~~~

Got dressed yesterday, anticipating a trip back to the VLCC—Amy was right; I anticipated this round would go easier. From what I now hear, they get worse—and I needed to deposit a couple of checks. Anyway, I decided to take a little stroll out of doors to the Men’s Mall since I was dressed, I need the exercise. And my cheerleaders suggested it.

Due to oncoming traffic while crossing the street, I tried to break into a run, or at least a jog. And “break” is the appropriate word; I nearly fell flat on my face. Just like when I climbed the stairs at Teo’s place. I’m losing control of my muscles. Does that come under the heading of Peripheral neuropathy? “Gait abnormalities.” I guess it does.

I can see why I might be disabled, even if I survive the chemo.

~~~~~~~~~

I like logic puzzles. They exercise my brain! Sudoku is my most favorite puzzle at present. My son got me a program for my HP iPAQ, my handheld “pocket computer” I purchased to keep all my notes and info in one place. Today’s Raising Duncan illustrated my point “poifectly!” And, since I was working with Hispanics, Spanish-speaking people, I got a Spanish/English dictionary on a memory card for my iPAQ as well. I like to be able to communicate, and I don’t mind learning a few words doing that.

When the ass’t manager at the SweatShop found out that I liked Sudoku, he made it a point to give me copies of the Sudoku books that came in for destruction. Now, these books were to be destroyed FOR A REASON! Not all the puzzles were solvable!!

I put these books on a shelf in a bookcase in my bathroom. When I have a few minutes to spare in the bathroom(!), I open to an easy puzzle and have at ‘er. I usually can solve one in less than ten minutes. Some take more time.

When I do have a problem with a particular puzzle, I can input the “paper puzzle” into my pocket PC (PPC) program, and it can tell me if it is solvable or not. Then, if it is, I can solve it in my PPC. I can switch from the number format to colored tiles, and back again. The colored tiles really let you see spatial relationships better than the numbers do.

So, I can determine if my inability to solve a particular puzzle is a fault of the publisher or my inability to solve the logic. I can also check the answers in the book to see if they even match the current puzzle. Ask Amy, she can tell you all this.

Recently I started coming up with puzzles, easy puzzles, I couldn’t seem to solve. Not only couldn’t I solve them; I was making mistakes doing so.

Did you notice that last statement? It’s very important. I RARELY make mistakes in Sudoku! Not related to logic, anyway.

I recently tried the ‘hint’ feature on my program and found that there are times in these games when logic won’t help; one needs to guess. I expect to guess wrong. I don’t expect to make mistakes in logic.

So, when I found that I was, I knew that my brain is being affected as well.

~~~~~~~~~

I hadn’t wanted to get too involved in politics with this blog. But it’s kind of hard not to when the government is involved so much in our lives. The treatment I am currently undergoing is a federally-approved course of treatment. I can’t opt for something they didn’t approve. I can’t use substances that they don’t approve of.

As Ronny pointed out, he has to get special paperwork for his pain meds to get them into the States. And, he can’t bring enough to get him trough a three-week stay. That means he’ll have to bring a prescription with him, or maybe have to see a doctor here, and buy American Pharmaceuticals. Not those crappy European ones.

I always wanted to live long enough to be able to tell you “I told you so.” I think I’ve lived long enough.

So, I feel like George Washington, being bled by his doctors for a horseback riding accident, losing 4 POUNDS of blood, only to die from a throat infection.

~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of which, that’s another of my many SFX (side effects) to manifest itself this go round, Candidiasis. You may have called it “thrush” when your kids had it. It’s a fungal sore that manifests itself in the throat, and for some of us, in the intestines, causing all sorts of fun.

My “magic mouthwash” is supposed to help. I had thought it was just for the pain, but I’m told NOW that it will help to actually kill the yeasty beasties. Again, information that gets to me late.

I found that these beasties can only grow in alkaline environments. So I’m attacking on another front. I have intentionally started eating and drinking acidic items. Yes, it does hurt, but it is food!

~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of pain, I have cut way back on my pain meds. When I switched to the current med, it really didn’t do much for me. I thought it was an issue of building up in my system. And then my doc left on a family emergency, or that’s what they told me, so I didn’t worry about it. It didn’t hurt all that much. The joint pain went away when I started supplementing with magnesium, so there really wasn’t anything much to worry about.

Having gone several times without my pain med ‘cause I forgot it, without an increase in pain, my thought was “Why bother.” Either I was given a placebo, or it, like acetaminophen, doesn’t do much for me at such a low dose. So now I take it only twice a day. I could give it up altogether, I suppose, but habits are hard to break.

~~~~~~~~~

Himmy was observed for the first time on the window shelf yesterday. If I had more ambition, I’d post a picture of the situation. But I’d like to get this posted today, get to the credit union, and get back before I crash.

~~~~~~~~~

Jim Z, a co-worker that Teo knows, stopped by to see how I was doing. Jim’s been through something similar. He had colon cancer years ago and had one of my drugs used on him, the 5-FU. I guess the 5 stands for the number of days it’s administered, because I get it by pump, 1.6 mls per hour over five days. Jim had it administered one big shot, once a day, for five days.

~~~~~~~~~

Yes, as Amy intimated, I do check the blog throughout the day. I’ll get back to respond to the comments later today. In periods of lucidity, over the course of several days, I researched and installed a program to monitor who visits my blog. Its’ over there on the left, under the Esophageal Cancer Ribbon, and is called, appropriately enough, SiteMeter.

So now if you say you visit every day, I can tell. :-D

It is interesting however. I’ve had visitors from Barcelona, Spain and from Chile. Once I can think again, I may be able to tell why they happened to hit upon my blog. What info were they looking for?

~~~~~~~~~

I’d better get going. I had a big breakfast, (182 pounds this AM) a whole bunch of OJ, and my Mexican hot chocolate. So, my appetite may be coming back. The juice tasted better today than when I purchased it on Thursday, so my taste may be coming back. I may be on my way to recovering from round 3.

But, I’m still exhausted, and in a foul mood. I’ll try not to let it out TOO much.

Thanks for playing this round of Wouldn't Be Dead For Dollars!

Quick Update

Hi all,

Well, I got worried 'cause I didn't read any posts from Dad since Monday, and I texted him earlier today, with no response, so I called him. He answered, just fine. Well, he's not fine, but he answered. He was watching a movie and cuddling with Ben's cat. Well, cuddling alternating with defending his ice cream from the cat.

He's feeling pretty crappy. As he put it, he's "doing as well as can be expected," for a 3rd round of chemo. He's feeling very tired, run-down, and kinda bummed out, so I said I'd post on the blog today, in case anyone else was getting worried. I tried to remind him that NO ONE ever has an easy time with chemo, the point of chemo is to KILL fast-growing cells, so of course he's feeling miserable. But, as many of us know, he's kinda stubborn ;-), and he's kinda mad at his body for not having an easier time of it this go-round. He was hoping that, since the 2nd round wasn't as bad as the first, that this round would be even easier. Alas, that is not the case, and he is understandably disappointed.

So, he's just feeling pretty crappy, all around, and hasn't felt up to posting. But, knowing him, I'm sure he's still sneaking peeks to see who's commenting and whether or not I'm posting (ha, I am ;-)!), so please do continue to send your well-wishes and positive thoughts his way...

More soon,

Amy

Ever After

Just a couple of numbers whilst I still remember them: I was 197 pounds Saturday morning, 190 pounds Sunday morning, and 184 pounds this morning. How’d you like to lose weight like that? All you have to do is be up every two hours or so.

Personally, I’d prefer to sleep, but….

~~~~~~~~~

I was getting the garbage ready to go out in the morning (Ben, I remembered the stuff from the basement), Mousebane was on the window ledge watching me when he took a swipe at me with his paw. Caught me in the ear. Now, I don’t think that he drew blood, but it is somewhat strange the way he’s been acting lately. Must be the change for him. (No, not THAT change, I meant the living arrangements.)

I sometimes eat an ice cream cone in the evening to take my meds with. The other day he tried to take the cone away from me while I was sitting in the recliner. I didn’t have anywhere to go so I ended up holding it away from him. But it was still curious that he got “assertive” (?) about food.

Now, I’m not angry, just curious. Any cat whisperers out there who can explain this recent behavior?

~~~~~~~~~

I showed Ben my mouth sores last night. (He puts up with so much from me...) They ain’t purty, but they’re not hurting much this time, either. It’s not like I NEED my magic mouthwash. It just illustrates that I’m not out of the woods yet. Cells in me are still dying.

I had the pump removed today and got my WBC-building shot, so I should start feeling better. I hope that I’m not being premature, but I think I’m already bouncing back from this last bout with chemo. At least, I spent the evening in the recliner watching a movie, getting up when necessary, and not d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g my butt around when I got up. It’s a SIGN I'm telling ya!

I think that I’m going to bed soon, and see how long I can sleep tonight. I’ll pass on the midnight meds and see if I can get through night without pain. The tumor is shrinking, right. Should be less pain. Hopefully.

I also talked to the ABCMC medical records today. I already have a request in for my records, but since I found out that I can get my PET scans on CD, I’ve been wanting to post them for you. They said, maybe next week….

~~~~~~~~~

Robin, it turns out that I have seen Ever After before. I remembered the opening scene with her father, but hardly anything else. There were a few scenes that I knew that I’d seen before, but with my memory, I haven’t the foggiest as to when, or with whom, for that matter.

I’m sorry to say that it wasn’t one of Drew’s better pictures, I thought. But it was far enough away from the fairy tale that most of it came as a surprise. Not much logic to it.

A couple of favorite quotes, when Danielle (Drew) says to the ESM (evil step mom) that all she wanted was to be loved, and ESM says, “But how can one love a pebble in one’s shoe?” OK, it wasn’t a “favorite,” but at least memorable. I’d have felt the pain.

My favorite was when Danielle asked that her ESM and her ESS (evil step sister) receive the same consideration that they had shown her. I’ve had this thing about the Golden Rule lately.

I liked seeing the chateaus and the French countryside. I was also pleased to recognize Loreena McKennitt’s Mummer’s Dance in the movie trailer. Different culture, but, hey, they’re all European, right?

That’s it; I’m off to bed. Hopefully I’ll feel enough better that I can get a few things done tomorrow.

“Purple Haze was in my brain…”

"…lately things don't seem the same,
actin' funny but I don't know why
'scuse me while I kiss the sky."

But you see, there’s the difference, I DO know why.

I’d like very much for you to understand what I’m about to say. So I’d like for you to go to this article, Lost in cancer's fog, and read it first. Listen to the patients, notice the symptoms they describe, and then reflect on my recent past. Notice anything, anything at all?

This is what I’m going through, to some extent, right now. They call it “chemobrain.” Quite possibly it’s a reaction to killing brain cells along with cancer cells.

But I’ve been here before. I went through all this before. I thought I was over it.

When in my 30's and 40’s, I complained to my doctors that I was losing my concentration, my ability to think, to remember. Most of the time, I was just ignored. When I persisted with my complaint the doctors pooh-poohed my concerns on the matter. “Aw, you’re just getting older, memory is starting to go. You know how it is.”

I’d been losing my ability to concentrate and to remember for quite a few years, but like the article characterizes chemobrain, "It's subtle," she said. "We are not talking about dementia or anything grossly obvious."

It came to a head when I moved to Green Bay ten years ago. Thankfully, I had a son who got me started on the Internet so I could do the limited research that I have. I’d never have been able to do the research I did through a library.

As I tried to work through all this, without the help of the Conventional Medicine practitioners, I learned more and more. Trying to keep it in my head was the problem. Eventually, I convinced myself what the real issue was, and took steps to relive the symptoms, and the problem.

And I succeeded, or so I thought. Things were getting better. I didn’t need to make notes to remember things. I’d gotten off the meds I talked the doctors into giving me to increase my concentration.

But the reason for my memory issues could have also caused my cancer as well. And it could also be part of the reason for chemobrain. But more on that later.

What I’d like you to do is to review the symptoms described in that article and to think back over the last ten years or so and your relationship with me. Notice anything?

One thing the article doesn’t mention is the mood changes. I don’t know if they are there and just not being mentioned, or if, with chemobrain, they are actually non-existent. But with the neurological issues I faced earlier, they played a big part of what was going on with me.

You just didn’t know. How could I explain something I didn’t understand, something that CM doctors wouldn’t talk about?

So, in a long-winded kind of way, I guess I’m apologizing for all those years of my not living up to your expectations. It wasn’t personal; there was an underlying cause. One that I’m having to live through again.

Just Another Day in Paradise.

OK, maybe not paradise, but darn close.

In case you didn’t notice it, I was being facetious! I’m back in the thralls of my drug-induced lethargy. And not the good drugs, the anti-cancer kind of haze.

Got home last night and my legs had swollen from all the standing. I looked like the Elephant Man. Thankfully(?), I was up all night getting rid of the water. (You figure it out.) But that meant that I was quite tired, so I ended up dozing quite a bit of the day. And when I was up, I didn’t exhibit much energy.

I did get a chance to look at a few sites where I can post wedding pictures. I’ll look into it more tomorrow, if I can round up the concentration.

Along about 4AM I was awake and thinking about Rawley, wondering what he would have made of the day’s goings on. Wondering what advice he would have given the newlyweds. I came up with a few comments of my own, but I decided to spare them.

Instead, I watched Crocodile Dundee this evening. Although it made for a lot of our jokes and one-liners, I don’t recall ever having seen the movie with Rawley. I first saw it in Madison; I was up from Illinois for a class or two at the UW Mad Campus. Evening comes and what does one do with oneself in the party town? CD was in the theater, I’d heard good things about it from Rawley, and so I stopped by to see it.

So, sometimes when I’m depressed and missing him, I pull out my copy of the first movie and watch it.

Besides, I goofed up tonight. What little I ate, I started eating way too late. I have to wait a while before I go to bed or risk having not-so-happy returns. So, I watched the movie and then thought I’d update this—notice that it’s gone from a morning event to an evening event?—while waiting for my meal to digest.

I even added a few wedding photos to my screensaver collection while waiting.

But, it’s getting close to my (updated) bedtime. I can take my pain meds a little earlier, I think.

I just reread this and I find that it’s not very eventful tonight. More like a placeholder; “Yup, still here!” Sorry! Maybe I’ll have more energy tomorrow.

A Beautiful Wedding!

I really need to get out more and do some work with my camera. I'll be trying to analyse what I did wrong over the next couple of days, but I did get a couple of good shots of Tim and Shelly's wedding.

Here's picture that I took when most of the family came to visit me when Amy was here that I'd like to share. Don't they look like a happy couple?

And then I'd like to post one shot of the happy couple from the wedding. There are so many pictures from today that I'd like to share, for a variety of reasons, but today is theirs!

Congratulations, Tim and Shelly! And thanks for inviting me to share your special day. I finally got my free dinner!

OMG, the Wedding is at 2:00PM...

...and I have it in my PDA as being at 6:00!! Am I out of synch, or what? So I guess I will be tired tonight!

I don't even have their gift wrapped, yet. It looks like another trip to Wal-Mart.

Anyway, 198 again this morning, it has got to be water! Although I'm up and about, you won't hear much from me today!

But the melatonin is helping me sleep! I'm hoping the rest of the supplements will be helping my quality of life soon.

Keep some of those happy thoughts handy today for Tim and Shelly as they enter a new phase in their lives and as we wish them all the best!

“No Pain, No Gain”

That’s what Dr. Bergman had said, and he’s right. Unfortunately I’m the one “in pain.” Now, it’s not really pain per se; more like discomfort.

I get the hiccups, a SFX (side effect(s) ) of the meds. It can be distracting. Along with the hiccups, I also have trouble swallowing, or at least initiating swallowing. Will I start a hiccup when I swallow? It has happened, usually when trying to take my meds. Very disconcerting.

And my desire to eat has gone away. I’ve had some ice cream, part of a Filet-o-Fish sandwich, a can of chicken noodle soup, a little bit of a Seroogy’s candy bar (it was for a charity!!), and I think that’s about it. I stopped by Wal-Mart and picked up some chewable BeneFiber tablets ‘cause I’m not eating anything I can mix the powder into.

I tried to eat donuts and found that I couldn't stand them. But I had a Jones for something like that. Then I realized that it was a Jones for turnovers. I've tried Wal-Mart's (yuck), Woodman's (not too bad), and Hardee's (gag). I've been sharing these with Ben.

So I decided to go with something that I know that I used to like, Dino Shell turnovers!! So, while I was out, I stopped by and picked up a couple. Ben even tells me they hear on a police scanner that the cops like 'em too. Can you believe that I brought them home and haven't even tried 'em. That's how much I don't feel like eating . I'll still share, though. Ben, there's one on the counter for you. Leave the other one for me tomorrow, maybe. I'll force myself.

This is why I was 194 pounds this AM vs. 197 pounds yesterday. I’m not a big fan of the ups and downs of my weight due to the edema, the diuretics, and the lack of appetite.

~~~~~~~~~

While at the store, I happened to look into one of those 10X magnifying mirrors. I was surprised to see that the hair on my face that I can feel actually shows up. So I have a really, really, really, skimpy beard. I could “shave” with a tweezers. Normally, back when I had a beard, I would shave my throat in the shower rather than go through the extra effort of getting all lathered up at the sink.

Now, it looks like I’ll be taking Ronny’s advice. I, too, have a shaving mug with the bar of soap and a badger-haired brush. I’ll get all lathered up like they did in the old days and shave that way. Now, I do have a straight razor with a leather belt as a strop. Nah, I think I’ll just use my Gillette for right now. My hands get a little shaky under chemo. Amy has had a chance to watch that happen!

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Anybody know what the drug Protonix, a proton-pump inhibitor, does? It shuts off the acid supply to the stomach. Acid, which is necessary to ionize the magnesium oxide into a form more easily absorbed by the stomach. Apparently as we age, we make less hydrochloric acid, which means we absorb less of the magnesium we do get as we get older, leading to the magnesium deficiency related diseases. Why don’t doctors know this and prescribe accordingly, since it affects sleep, moods, and energy levels? All things I’m in need of.

I guess the lady in one of Lois’ links was right; you have to become an armchair expert on your own illness. Thanks Lois!

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I’m sorry I’m so late with this post. I’ve been out most of the day after Ben went to work getting some things done. I still don’t know when or where Tim & Shelly’s wedding will be, but I WILL find out.

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BTW, I didn’t mean to make it sound like it was so easy to get approvals to use my supplements. As I explained to my HR rep at work, it went something like this:

“It is interesting that when I was “just a truck driver” I couldn't take my supplements without argument. When I explained yesterday, however, that I have been a lab tech in both a Vitamin and Mineral Lab, and a Main Analytical Chemistry Lab for food-related products; I set up a analytical chemistry lab for a local manufacturer as a Quality Control Manager; I have been a Quality Assurance Manager for a Contract Medical Device Manufacturer having to deal with the FDA regularly; along with being a QA/QC Manager in a few other industries; all of a sudden, they find out that I might know something about what I’m talking about. The arguments dropped almost to nothing.”

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Well, I’m trying to stay up late tonight, so I sleep late tomorrow, so I don’t crash early tomorrow night. I’d like to enjoy the wedding. I can’t do that if I’m falling asleep.

I’m taking my camera. Maybe I can talk them into allowing me to post a pic or two.

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Right now, I’m going to finish my Ionic Magnesium, plug in a movie, and try to clear my mind.

Speaking of movies, Robin, I ordered a 3-movie copy of Drew Barrymore’s Never Been Kissed/Fever Pitch/Ever After. I’ll get it in a week or so.

And Amy, I bought Shrek 1 & 2 for further study!

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I know that I’m sounding a bit ungrateful in this post. But it goes with the territory, I guess. I learned a few things from the nurse about the mood changes that goes along with the chemo. So, I don’t want you to think that I’m ungrateful after hearing the good news I heard yesterday. And I’m definitely NOT ungrateful for all your support, spoken and unspoken, expressed and unexpressed. Thank you!

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Another note. I don’t know if you noticed but Blogspot had added a feature so that you can check a box on the page of any comment you make and get notification of any replies to your comment in your email box. How cool is that? I get that feature as an author. Now you can get it as a commenter! Use it wisely! :-D

Later!

“Dramatic Improvement”

And I suppose I have you to blame, I mean to bless, for those words I heard today. As with any undertaking, it’s the support team, the cheerleading squad, which always seems to be overlooked. I think that’s unfair. I may have done the suffering, but you guys have done the supporting, which may be even harder than suffering, and I thank you for it.

The feeling I got from the PET scan technician has proven correct. The three lymph nodes that had contained cancer cells appear to be clear, no sign of cancer activity. The tumor in the stomach has been reduced by 1/2 to 1/3 the original size, which was pretty big to begin with.

I’m hoping to get copies of the scans. When I do, I’ll post them on the blog.

Doctor Patel stated that their expectations, their hopes, after the second course of chemotherapy is to simply have held the cancer at bay, to have kept it from growing any more. To find that the cancer has been substantially reduced after Round 2 is a “dramatic improvement!”

It seemed significant to me that my Nurse For The Day, Nurse Diane, seemed to know which two words I meant when I mentioned hearing two good words from the doctor. One of the other nurses that heard about the results from me has already used the “R” word: remission. There's hope, yet!

That still means that I have to suffer through Round 3 of chemotherapy. But with any luck, and the support of my cheerleading squad, there may not be a need for Round 4. I have no knowledge of what will happen after Round 3, though. I think that we’re playing it by ear, here.

But, to help me get through Round 3, I have obtained an agreement from Dr. Patel allowing me to use my vitamins and minerals. I will also be able to use some of my other supplements like the turmeric and curcumin for joint pain, melatonin to get to sleep, etc. I will have to run other supplements by him for approval. I’m hoping that I will be able to use the Enzymatic Therapy IP-6 for several reasons. The strength I have isn't the "cancer" strength, but it will help with joint and other issues. But the Vitamin D and the magnesium will certainly help my “quality of life.”

So, things are looking good!

My thanks to all of you for helping to keep my spirits up. I have a certain core strength in my “stubbornness,” but it always helps to have support from “lots of people who love you,” as one of my email correspondents has put it.

So give yourself a big pat on the back, have a drink if you do (I was told by a nurse that I could have an “occasional” drink), and help me celebrate this victory!

Then There Are Days…

…that make you wonder.

I posted last night at 9:05. I took a picture of my lower leg to show the edema (ain’t it cute?), took my shower, shaved my injection port to accommodate the tape later today, turned on my random noise generator, and finally climbed into bed sometime around 9:45.

Now, I can have trouble falling asleep. That’s why I usually use melatonin to help me fall asleep when I really need to. It’s a chemical already produced by the body (there’s those chemicals again) so it’s just as if my body kicked up its production a little. It’s one of the supplements that will be under discussion later today with my oncologist.

So there I was, trying to sleep and I could hear activity--read that noise--in the house. Usually I can identify it and promptly ignore it. Not tonight; it didn’t fit any pattern I'm used to. So I get up, grab the pistol and the flash (this should go without saying even when I wasn’t in the ‘female, aged, or infirmed’ group), and start my rounds.

Nothing outside, nothing inside. WTF! Back to bed.

Just get settled, start drifting off, and there’s more sound. Lay there a while and try to identify the sound; can’t. Get up again, grab my “stuff,” and made the rounds again. Nothing.

Ben doesn’t usually get home much before midnight. But I was back up again several times before then trying to find out what was making the noise. So there I am, standing at the back door, at 10:56, listening for the noise to repeat itself. I hear a car door slam, expect to see the backyard light come on (motion detector), and to have Ben come through the door. Won’t that be a surprise for him? LOL Wasn't him, but now I'm wondering who's close enough that I can hear their car door slam.

While I’m standing there, I finally hear some noise behind me! I check the closet in the entryway. Nothing! The only thing behind that is the bathroom and the door was open and nothing was visible in there when I went by. The operant word there was “visible.”

I went back to the bathroom to “checka out,” as Rawley used to say. Nothing. I do have cupboards under the sink; they haven’t been opened in a while. However, if a cat could get in there, it surely could get out unless maybe Himmy got hung up on something. Nothing in there, though. I do have a closet in the bathroom, and I had been in there earlier, but I specifically checked before closing the door because Mousebane had been underfoot earlier.

But I check again anyway.

Guess who comes walking out of the closet, tail held in the air, asking me WTF took me so long? Mousebane!

The bathroom is next door to my bedroom. Any of his attempts to get out could easily be heard over the noise of my sound machine. When I’m up, he’s listening for ME so HE isn’t making any noise. LOL

I’m not mad. That would be like being mad at the fires in SoCal. They’re both “forces of Nature.” I just need to "checka out" better next time. I have to get used to having SNEAKY cats around. He must have walked in as I closed the door with my attention elsewhere because there’s nothing but a toilet plunger on the floor to hide behind.

I went back to bed. I decided that, since I would just get to sleep when the alarm would go off for my midnight meds, I’d take them now and turn off the alarms. I heard Ben come home about 11:20 or so, and finally drifted off to sleep. But 6:00AM came awful early. It’s a good thing I can snooze during chemo. But I may be too worked up from my visit with my oncologist to be able to do so.

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I mentioned a picture of my lower leg. I thought I’d post one after only one day on my dexamethasone. It’ll get worse. Then I’ll be back on the Lasix to get rid of the water and the potassium, so I’ll be back on the horse pill to replace the potassium. BTW, thanks for the concern about crushing the tablet just to get it down, but it is just potassium chloride. No hu hu!

What is somewhat funny to my twisted sense of humor is that EVERYTHING below the waist swells up. Do I have an answer to some of those spam emails or what? I don’t need ‘em.

Back to the leg, you can see where my shoe fit and where my sock ended. The rest is just blown up! And that was while I was just sitting at the computer.

I just had a thought; did you hear the bell go off? I think I might have to take my daughter’s idea and sit on my big exercise ball at the desk. See if that helps my back.

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Reading the comments this morning, I was reminded of our (Ben and I) “escape from Florida” this spring. We encountered wildfires near Lake City, and had to drive west in the panhandle until we hit Alabama and then we could head North. So I thought I’d just add a picture of that trip. This was May 12. We didn't use face masks or anything, although a lot of the locals were, but I did get a bit of a headache from breathing the smoke that got into the car. So, I can sympathize with Tayler's plight, and wish her well. One day was an adventure. After that, it stops being fun.

I just found this satellite photo on line of the SoCal wildfires and thought I'd post it here. Our best wishes to Tayler.

It’s Kinda Funny…

…I used the same phrase about ‘keeping fingers crossed’ in an email about 7:30 this evening long before I read Amy’s post. I haven’t used that phrase in years, and now I find that I’m repeating my daughter in advance of reading her blog. “Curiouser and curiouser…”

Between doing other things, I’ve been trying to catch up on my emails. I’m down to 35 items in my inbox. Not all of them are emails to be replied to. Most are articles that I want to read. Por ejemplo (For example), you might wonder why I use Wikipedia for a lot of my definitions. A Daily Article from the Ludwig von Mises Institute, Wikipedia: What Is It Good For?, might explain my interest.

What is the Mises Institute?

“The Ludwig von Mises Institute is the research and educational center of classical liberalism, libertarian political theory, and the Austrian School of economics….

“It is the mission of the Mises Institute to restore a high place for theory in economics and the social sciences, encourage a revival of critical historical research, and draw attention to neglected traditions in Western philosophy. In this cause, the Mises Institute works to advance the Austrian School of economics and the Misesian tradition, and, in application, defends the market economy, private property, sound money, and peaceful international relations, while opposing government intervention as economically and socially destructive.”

I learn a lot from these folks about the things I believe in.

And I have other sources that I read as well, like The Advocates for Self-Government, the Jews for the Preservation of Firearm Ownership, and even a daily source for quotes relating to liberty. Like this one by John Adams:

"The Revolution was effected before the War commenced. The Revolution was in the minds and hearts of the people; a change in their religious sentiments of their duties and obligations ...

“This radical change in the principles, opinions, sentiments, and affections of the people, was the real American Revolution."

Amy & Ben: remind me to set up a list of links to Sites of Interest on this blog.

The articles I’ll have to think about I leave in my inbox until I get a chance to deal with it. I do the same with the emails to which I need to respond. So they never go away until I deal with them.

Unfortunately, I have the habit of dealing with them in reverse chronological order; I deal with the most recent first. So, if I get overwhelmed, I don’t get to my early emails as fast as I’d like. Sorry!

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I carpeted the platform today. Mousebane has been up there several times, since. He uses the ramp to strop his claws.

I will put the railing on sometime Thursday or Friday.

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I finished the electrical installations in the “office” and am set up to hook up the rest of my toys. First though, I need to clear away some of the overburden, the piles of paperwork including finding the directions to Tim’s & Shelly’s wedding. So you know that I’ll at least find that much.

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I was out today to file for my disability benefits from my credit union. The ‘relationship manager’ and I had an interesting talk. It seems that he, too, has rescued his pet dog, a bulldog. There's more of them than you know!

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Food. It’s amazing what we put up with.

I did run out to Wendy’s on Velp. I know, you’re probably saying, “What Wendy’s on Velp?” I checked Google Maps and found one there. Unfortunately, my physical reconnaissance didn’t find it. So I ran down to the one on Oneida.

The B&G left something to be desired. The sausage, egg, and cheese Frescata biscuit left something to be desired, as well. I may have to run out to Hardee’s tomorrow before chemo and try their B&G again. If I don’t care for it, I’ll have to look for my recipes.

I mentioned to Ben that, after having my taste buds messed with, I have problems with eating food that really doesn’t taste all that great. Some of the things I used to eat I can only assume that I ate from habit. I’m eating for taste, now.

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Well, it’s off to bed. I want to take a shower first. But, we’ve been experiencing some drain blockage since Ben came. I realize that I have lost some hair, but most of my hair was less than ½” in length. And it’s longer hair that I’ve been pulling out of the drain. Must be Amy’s from when she was here! :-P

I may get a chance to post tomorrow AM, but if not, I’ll post the news from my meeting with the doctor tomorrow evening.

Keep your fingers crossed….

Checking in

Hello all,

I am sorry I haven't posted/commented in awhile. I've been pretty busy, but I know that's no excuse. I truly hope no one takes it personally when I fail to respond to someone's comments or questions. I've kinda been assuming that this is "Dad's" blog, so I've been solely focusing on him and his "issues" ;-), but according to Dad, this is "our" blog, too, so I'll try to do better. Again, I hope no one takes offense. I know this is a difficult subject/situation for everyone, and we all deal with it in our own way.

You know, its kinda sad (but also not at all surprising) that a situation like a loved-one's cancer may serve to bring family members separated by distance closer together... but I've enjoyed reading comments and hearing from folks I haven't chatted with in awhile (Lorie and Cuz, to name a couple ;-)!), and kind-of meeting people I never really knew before (Nettie, Ronnie). If anyone reading this would like my individual email, who doesn't already have it, please feel free to ask Dad for it. I won't post it here since anyone can read this.... I TRY to respond to emails in a timely manner. I don't know my opinion on Dad's comments about the chemicals possibly running in our family making connections difficult or whatever, but I do know that while I sometimes am TERRIBLE at returning phone calls and emails, it does not mean I do not FEEL connected to my family, and it does not mean I appreciate their well-wishes any less. So thanks to all who have stood by my Dad and Ben and I during this difficult time.

OK, sappy moment aside.... Dad - Good Luck at the doctor's office tomorrow! I know you're starting the third round of chemo, which sucks, but hopefully we'll hear good news about the PET scan!!! Keeping my fingers crossed!

Love,

Amy

Just Another Manic Monday

I started out today trying to answer some emails. For some reason I couldn’t seem to concentrate. It couldn’t have anything to do with staying up until almost 2:00AM talking with Ben.

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The “office” is rearranged. I still have a little electrical work to do to get it set up. And I still have to hook up some of my electronic toys, stuff that hasn’t been used in a while, like my scanner. I have a big box of photos I want to scan to hard disk.

Then comes the hard part, going through all the paperwork I’ve collected over the years; sorting, filing, and hopefully throwing some away.

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I got the ramp carpeted. I didn’t have time to do the platform. That’ll happen tomorrow. I had to run out to get longer staples.

I got Mousebane to climb the ramp after a couple of treats. He made it down the ramp as well. It looked like he slipped a little but otherwise he made it just fine.

Himmy, on the other hand, wasn’t quite so gullible. He ended up standing along side of the ramp and stretching up to get to the treat. He wanted nothing to do with clawing his way up the ramp. We’ll have to see.

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Picked up my Dexamethasone today. Tomorrow I start taking it: the day before, the day of, and the day after chemo. I’m already 190 with some edema. I’m not looking forward to swelling up any more.

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I found out that Wendy’s now serves breakfast. And they have biscuits and gravy!

I remember heading North on Saturday mornings and stopping at the Highway Restaurant in Abrams for their biscuits and gravy. They did a mean gravy back then. I don’t know how it is now. But I love good biscuits and gravy.

Some years ago, I had to ask my sister Cuz, who was living in Tennessee at the time, how to make a good Southern gravy. I ended up having to learn how to make gravy all by myself. I found there are several tricks to it.

I’m half-tempted to run out tomorrow morning for breakfast at Wendy’s.

But, I’m off to bed now, before I walk like an Egyptian.

OK, I Survived….

….the weekend. Just as a reminder, I did say that I might be off line this weekend in my last post. OK, my next to last post.

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I’ve been working on cleaning and organizing my “office.” I’ve rearranged the room so that I can put a single-sized airbed down in it if I need to this holiday season for company.

I’ve been working on the cat platform. I’ve gotten the dowels cut to length for the railing, now. Tomorrow I’m hoping to get the carpet laid. I may even get the railing put up. The issue will be drilling the holes correctly AFTER the carpet has been put in place. Otherwise, I’ve got to cut through the carpet to find the holes. I plan to drill them on an angle so as to not take up too much room on the platform itself. Should be interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I haven’t been feeling well since my visit to the hospital for my PET scan. Why is it one seems to GET SICK in the hospital? My nose has been dripping for several days now so I guess I’m not dehydrated!

But the cats seem to be sick, as well, and they haven’t been to the hospital. Mousebane has been drooling, and occasionally tossing his cookies, if he ever ate cookies. I think Himmy has tossed his once or twice, as well.

So, being tired from not feeling well, I’ve been moving slower than normal. And it doesn’t help that my joint pain has increased. Even my fingers are hurting now from the inflammation. Even the incisions for my port were inflamed. RED!!! I almost stopped in to the VLCC on Friday to have someone look at them. I don’t want them getting infected. But it’s from the inside, not the outside, that they’re being affected. Inflammation in the joints, inflammation in the recent incisions. I am a little concerned that they still show red. They should have been healed by now.

So, when I go in Wednesday for my next round of chemo, I’m going to ask to be allowed the use of CAM anti-inflammatory products and other supplements that will help me feel better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was surprised when I actually slept 12 hours last night. That’s the first time I’ve done that in a long, long time. Since I usually try to get a post put together in the morning, that didn’t happen today.

Ben and I then ran over to his place and got the rest of his things and brought them back here. The biggest item was Grandpa John’s desk, but we managed quite well, thank you.

Next, we spent some time putting things together. And, if you know me, you’ll know that I “fixed” a few items that may not have necessarily needed it now, but would have needed it eventually.

We moved my big 5-drawer filing cabinet to the basement and although I would have let him use it, Ben purchased it for his own use. It was an old one that weighed more than twice what Grandpa John’s desk weighed, but was more compact so it was easier to move.

But I had a good time working with Ben.

We were taking a break on my bench in the back of the house, talking and admiring the fall colors. I just had to go in, get my camera, and take a few pictures of the leaves turning colors to send to my daughter in Florida who doesn’t get to see the turning of the seasons very often anymore.

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Rereading my post, I am reminded of las mujeres (the women) at the Sweatshop, one of my company's accounts that I drove for. The women were impressed that I never walked up the stairs at work; I RAN up the stairs, two or three at a time. Now these are the industrial-type stairs, a floor-and-a-half tall.

Now I can barely walk up the stairs. I guess I’m glad that I didn’t “take up” with any of the ladies, now. They’d certainly be disappointed that I can’t “run up the stairs,” anymore.

Well, I’ve written another 1,000 words tonight that I don’t think I’ll post at this time. I saw the second shift lead person (a gringo) from the Sweatshop at Wal Mart yesterday who completely ignored me when I tried to say “Hi.” Twice.

Now I realize that I look somewhat different now. No hair, no beard and 50 pounds lighter. But I used his name; I knew him. And he knew I knew him. If nothing else, he should have recognized my KYFHO hat!

But it disturbed me that he would ignore someone he once worked with. But it does go together with being a “boss” at the Sweatshop. And I have friends who still work with and for that bastard. They have my sympathies.

I’m going to go to bed now before I write another 1,000 words. :-)