Babies Faces 'Make Us Want To Care For Them'

At least it works that way for me. I ran across an article today that states:

Dr Kringelbach said: "We found a very specific, rapid signature of the activity in the medial orbitofrontal cortex in response to infant faces.

"This provides evidence in humans of a potential brain basis for the 'innate releasing mechanism' described by Lorenz for affection and nurturing of young infants.

"Although the degree to which these responses are innate rather than learnt is unknown, these specific responses to unfamiliar infant faces… occur so quickly that they are almost certainly quicker than anything under conscious control."

The medial orbitofrontal cortex is at the front of the brain, just above the eyeballs, and is known to be important in regulating emotions.

Mine must work in overtime as much as I like kids. So there is a valid reason for my response to children and babies. Now you know why I like seeing baby pictures.

~~~~~~~~~

I’m at a loss; I don’t know what to do. There should come a time when I need to get off my sick, or lazy, butt and DO SOMETHING. I just don’t know if I know when that is just yet. One the one hand, I need to husband my strength to heal my body. On the other hand, I will need to get up and exercise to develop my muscles to build my strength.

I don’t know if I know when that will be. Since I still have pain upon eating, I’m letting things slide for a while. But maybe I’ll start cleaning house this weekend.

~~~~~~~~~

BTW, that was my hand in the video yesterday. Did you see how white it was? I almost had to turn off the lights in the room it was so white. :-)

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

That’s Strange!

Staying home, that is. It’s not usual for me to not be anticipating getting up. So maybe that’s why I had so many dreams.

But Ben had to get up early to play at the DMV. With my white noise generator going I barely heard him leave or get back home. So I slept until almost 11:00AM or thereabouts.

I’m still having pain associated with eating, but I’m expecting that to go away in the near future as I heal.

~~~~~~~~~

I had mentioned that my daughter had sent a present along with the belated St. Valentine’s Day Hershey’s Kisses. I am including a video of her gift to me. Some of you may recognize it and the tune.

This will be my first attempt to include video in my blog, so I hope it works out well.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

I GOT HUGGED!

I don’t normally kiss and tell, but today was kind of unusual for me.

They say that mixed emotions consist of watching your mother-in-law drive your new car over a cliff. Although I am happy to be leaving radiation therapy behind me, I am sad that I won’t be seeing the radiation technicians any more.

Two of the RTs, Paula, and Amy, the younger, presented me with a certificate on the occasion of my last treatment today. OK, it was a little corny but I didn’t mind. Besides, it appealed to my emotional side today, since we are in the sign of Pisces right now. But then they both gave me hugs. Totally unexpected! But very sweet, none-the-less. I will miss talking to them.

When we did talk, I wasn’t always up to my normal witty banter, what with the cancer and the side effects of the cancer and all. But they did their job well, worked well together, and most of the time they were cheerful. Hey, they’re human too!

“Research shows that the female brain naturally releases oxytocin after a 20-second hug.” OK, so there wasn’t any oxytocin released, but it did make my day, heck my week, brighter. And it needed brightening.

I’m still sleepy-tired, but not as physically fatigued as I was. I was able to walk to Kwik Trip today to get some ice cream. If only I could eat, I think I’d start to build up my strength. I had forgotten about ice cream being my “best friend” according to one of the oncologists. Why the ice cream?

I stopped after radiation to get some Chinese food, but could barely eat it. It hurt going through the Lower Esophageal Sphincter. And I had had my pain meds earlier. But I have been expecting it. So I thought I’d try the ice cream and see how that works for me.

The diarrhea and the gas have slowed down considerably, although I needed my white noise generator last night to keep me from waking up everytime I “rumbled.” But today has been pretty good.

But I get to sleep in the rest of the week. And I can use my sleep to heal! And don’t forget my supplements! I don’t have a doctor telling me I can’t have them now!

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

One To Go!

Ordinarily, I’d be a lot more cheerful about only having one more day of radiation therapy. But I don’t feel so cheerful right now. I was up and down all last night just trying to get rid of the gas. Which meant that I didn’t sleep as well as I would have liked. So I slept in until 11:00AM or so.

After Ben left for work, I laid back down. The pain meds adds another dimension to the “sleepy” side effect.

I got up, showered for my 5:00PM radiation appointment, and ran off to do that. I came home and just “sat” for a while. I can’t tell you how many Sudoku puzzles I have done today.

It seems like my body is so used to the chemotherapy now that it is responding just as if I’d had chemo on Monday. I have the diarrhea that just won’t quit. I have intestinal gas that gives new meaning to “Blow it out your ***!” If it builds up on the topside, I have to sit up or stand to get rid of the gas and the pain. If it builds up on the other end, I have to be very careful!

So why now? I’ll have to call in tomorrow to ask the nurses since the meds I’m currently using don’t seem to work. And the supplements that I have taken before to reduce the gas don’t seem to working, either.

I don’t feel much like eating and the liquids I take to keep hydrated add nothing but ammunition to my system.

I’ve been trying to read, but can’t seem to keep my mind focused. That means I didn’t get to any of my emails today either. Sorry. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

As I’ve said, chemotherapy is nothing more than a battle of competing side effects. Usually they balance out. Sometimes they don’t. But there is a reason that the epidemiological studies give mortality figures for 30 days AFTER the last treatment.

I just reread this; I hope that it makes sense. I stopped before leaving the VLCC to sit in the waiting room after radiation treatment. I was anticipating that my stomach was going to act up like yesterday with the hiccup/ palpitations. I explained to the receptionist and the office manager (I believe) that I just wanted to sit awhile before I went out to my car. I was heartened that the OM enquired if I was driving and what it was that I was feeling. I appreciated the concern over me driving myself while I was impaired. But I explained that I was fine in that regard; it was just that my stomach sometimes gave me fits.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

Good News / Bad News

I have some good news and I have some bad news tonight. Which do you want first? OK.

The good news: I didn’t have chemotherapy today.

More Good News: I don’t have Radiation until 5:00PM tomorrow, so I can sleep in, after getting up to belch and take more pain meds.

Wait! No more radiation after Wednesday! That’s good news as well.

Now the bad news: No chemo means that my blood tests weren’t good enough to support adding more chemicals to my body. Didn’t I bring this up before, 3 on and 1 off? Looks like 4 on and 2 off doesn’t work for some of us.

More bad news: The pain is getting worse. I left Radiation today and started out to my vehicle. My stomach started doing flip-flops; kind of a cross between hiccups and palpitations. I went back inside to wait for the stomach to subside. It finally did, but it still hurt. Dying muscle cells still trying to function don’t feel real nice.

More bad news: I don’t know if my body is now trained by the chemo I’ve been getting, but my diarrhea started today, along with the gas. I’m going to wake myself up tonight just from the rumbling NOISE!!!! And I’m not even kidding.

The buildup of gas in my stomach, which I can’t get rid of while lying in bed, causes the GE Juncture to hurt. So I’m taking a full dose of pain meds at night. But I’m willing to bet I’ll be hurting by morning.

More bad news, possibly: The doctor told me I wouldn’t have any more radiation after Wednesday or chemo at all, unless we decide to do something after more imagery which is actually good. But, the nurse has me set up for chemo in two weeks. I wonder if someone isn’t getting the message. Probably me, I should know that by now. :-(

BTW, I’m down to the last three personal emails in my inbox. I’m hoping to get to them tomorrow! Then I’ll be caught up. With me feeling somewhat better I hope to do a better job in the future.

I was more cheerful this past weekend, less fatigued (I may even start cleaning my house soon), but I’m still tired/sleepy. I take that as a good sign. Kids grow while sleeping; I’m hoping that adults heal while sleeping. My body, trying to replace the needed blood cells takes the energy right out of my body!

Kunolunwa, y te quiero!

You guys know all about jury nullification by now, right?

What To Say…

….what to say. You know there are times when I just don’t have a lot to say.

For whatever reason, I woke up at 4:00AM on Saturday morning. Wide Awake! So I jumped on the computer while I was thinking clearly and tried to clear up my backlog of emails. Did get a pretty good amount done.

I don’t know why I have a system of First In, Last Out. I don’t know how it got started, but there you have it. If you have emailed me, and I haven’t responded that might be a reason why.

I have quite a few emails (20) in my inbox going back to 2006 (1) of articles that I want to read. But since they require my full attention and my full capacity to understand—most are from Mises.org—I don’t always have the ability for both. Especially with chemobrain lurking over my shoulder. If I put them somewhere to clear out my inbox, I’ll forget about them like I forgot about the 36 items in my Follow up Folder that have already been archived!!

At some point yesterday morning, I pooped out and went back to sleep. I think I got up long enough to let Ben know I was still alive, to see him off to work, then I went back to sleep. So I got a bunch of sleep in yesterday.

I slept in today as well. At least I wasn’t awake at 4AM!

~~~~~~~~~

Got a call today from Nancy. She and her daughters, Shelly and Dee, stopped by to see me around noon. We looked at wedding pictures I took at Tim’s wedding last year. It was kinda fun to have some folks around who weren’t afraid to speak their mind. Family!

BTW, I loaned my Dumbing Us Down by JT Gatto to Shelly. She’s a schoolteacher and we’ve discussed Gatto’s work before. When she’s done, I have his The Underground History of American Education for her to read as well. You can read it online by clicking on the link.

Meanwhile, Dee brought me a book on the Oneidas and how they fared between 1860 and 1920. I’m already seeing red reading about the governmental acculturation of the Indian kids. And the government isn’t doing this to our own kids still? Check this toy out!

~~~~~~~~~

After Ben got up, we ordered pizza. This is the longest it’s been in a while since I had chemo--almost two weeks--so I was waiting to see how the pizza tasted. What a waste of time! While it’s not the “Kleenex tissue” taste, the taste just wasn’t there. I had the honey mustard dip for the chicken strips. I could taste the sweet, but the mustard just didn’t come through at all.

I tried some Kung Pao Chicken the other day. It is funny that my stomach didn’t react to the spice, but my mouth felt pretty warm. That’s not usually how it works. My mouth wouldn’t normally feel too terribly warm due to Kung Pao Chicken. And my stomach has never been bothered by spice. So there are some side effects affecting my mouth in addition to lack of taste. But it’s strange that it hasn’t affected my sense of smell, I don’t think. Those are neurons too.

I need to be back on my pain meds just to eat. I had to get up from the table today, take my pain meds, and wait for them to kick in before I finished my piece of 6-Cheese pizza. Now, it’s understandable. They are killing cells at the gastro-esophageal juncture where all the food passes through before hitting the stomach. So if the tissue there is in any pain or irritated at all, my pushing food by that point is going to have some negative impact.

But I think I might end up on a soft food or liquid diet here real soon. But after Wednesday, I’m off Radiation and Chemo!!! Yeah!!

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero.

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

I Don’t Feel So Bad

I felt pretty good this morning, actually. I don’t usually get as verbose as I did unless I’m feeling good. I still had the fatigue, but I wasn’t as tired, and my mood was pretty good as well.

I went to radiation therapy and breezed right through it. I had to stop at Shopko to get a prescription refilled. Usually I get everything on the same schedule, so I can get them refilled all at once. It’s going to be a long while before I can do that again.

The consult was kinda funny. The pharmacist came over, looked at the prescription, started to ask if I had any questions, when she looked up into my face. Then she says, “Oh, I see it’s a refill.” Why is it that no eyebrows thing gives it away almost every time?

~~~~~~~~~

A couple of weeks ago, Ben and I were in the kitchen when I happened to actually look at my fingernails. There were four strange ridges going across the nail. It looked like a corduroy road, or am I dating myself here?

We surmised that it was due to the chemotherapy. Every session kills fast growing cells and probably slows down the rest of them for some time to come. Should work the same way for the nail bed.

So I started paying attention when I went in to the clinic, and sure enough, there were more than enough nails that looked like mine. It's interesting when I see the same nails on a nurse. I know that she knows exactly how I feel.

Back to the Internet to do some research. It turns out that the lines are called Beau’s Lines. The photo only show one line, so you’ll have to imagine what four lines look like. It seems like I learn something new every day.

Now, if I had only gone with Amy to get that pedicure, I might have learned something back around Christmas time!!!! :-P

~~~~~~~~~

After I got my prescription at Shopko, I wandered over to the junk food aisle to see if there was anything worth taking home for lunch. Then I remembered my daughter recently sending some candy home to Ben and I as a belated St. Valentine’s Day present. Hershey’s Kisses. New York Cheesecake KISSES!!!!! BTW, Amy, they were the first thing I sampled!!! I can tell that when I get my taste back, they will be a favorite!

More than six different bags of chocolate, and I can barely tell the difference in taste.

Anyway, I wanted to see if they were here in Wisconsin. I couldn’t find ‘em. But I did find something else. I finally found Green & Black Organic Chocolates!! We had tried them the last time we were in Tampa, as I recall. Shopko didn’t have my favorite, the Ginger (60% cocoa with crystallized ginger) but they did have another favorite, the Maya Gold (55% cocoa with orange, cinnamon, and vanilla).

I bought two bars, one for Ben and one that is half gone. We’re talking 100 grams of chocolate here! I keep waiting for the flavor I remember to magically appear in my mouth. But I can barely taste the orange. That’s why I was looking for the Ginger. There they at least have pieces of crystalized ginger root.

There was also a gift in the package for me that I’ll tell you about later.

~~~~~~~~~

Now I hope that you understand why I keep a close eye on, and drool over, Sunni’s Truffles. Right now, and apparently for some time to come, I can only imagine what they taste like. And I’d like to think that I had a (small) hand in her Inca Gold truffles. I added to the discussion about them on her site, back when she was just getting started making them!! The only thing missing IMHO is the café! But, I can’t offer suggestions for something that I haven’t tasted, and probably won’t be able to for quite some time.

Now, I’m not normally a caramel fan, but her Dirty Girls just might tempt me. Or maybe her Dressed Dirty Girls! How intriguing!

~~~~~~~~~

Oscar shared some photos of his kids out fishing last year, and the results of one of their trips that got mounted. Nice looking fish, and one proud kid! BTW, Oscar’s wife, Dee, is my resident expert on the Oneida language.

That got me missing my “woodsy ways.” So I dug out my CO2 Gamo P23 BB gun and the pellet trap I dug up last night. I loaded it with lead BBs and tried to hit the swinging plate targets in my trap. Ten BBs and I could count the number of times I hit a plate on one hand. Not a very happy camper.

So, I switched over to pellets; they should be more accurate. NOT! Or at least it didn’t seem that way. The first pellet went poot! I opened the action only to find the pellet still in the chamber. So I seated the pellet and tried again. At least this time I heard the pellet hit the trap. But I didn’t hit a target. I had to seat every pellet before it would fire. I don’t know what was wrong, and I’m too fatigued to try and find out tonight. But I thought it was me.

So, back to the basement I went, and dug up my old pump action .22 caliber Crosman pellet pistol. The first four pellets through the old standby hit every size plate—there are three sizes—and hit the smallest one twice. I still got it!

So, I don’t feel so bad.

It may not seem like much to you, but when I lose my taste, lose feeling in my feet and hands, lose some of my hearing, and have a continuous ringing in my ears that won’t go away, when I sometimes have trouble understanding what I read, when I sometimes have trouble expressing what I mean, when I can’t trust my muscles for very long without them starting to shake, it’s simple things like controlling a pellet pistol that gives me hope.

So, I don’t feel so bad, now.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

My First Choice

I knew it! I should’a went with my first choice.

I was actually feeling a little better today, not as fatigued as I was yesterday. So, there still is hope!!

I still have the stomach pain, and I did discuss that with the nurses today. BTW, Nurse Diane has moved from chemo over to the radiation side. She’s gone over to the dark side. Or the light side. Don’t really know. Depends on how you look at it. But Nurse Diane is one of the good ones. She gets high marks in my book!

Anyway, I told them about my stomach pain and my “near misses.” Since my cancer is at the GE juncture (that’s gastro-esophageal juncture) everything is pretty much up for grabs here. No one seems to know. But we’re keeping an eye on it.

Did you miss me? I had to get up to take my pain meds. I missed a dose earlier this afternoon and my hiccup/spasms/burps were starting to hurt, big time. I know, I know, I need to stay ahead of the pain, not play catch up! I discussed that with Nurse Diane today, too. I told Nurse Diane that RT Paula had already told me about it. I just have to remember to follow it!

And, RT Amy, the younger, told me that I have been doing great despite my recent pain. I had told them the honeymoon was officially over; they were now hurting me. Apparently, they usually expect MORE fatigue at this juncture. So they are impressed with my progress. I took the opportunity to point out my history of vitamin supplementation and how that can contribute to my overall health. ‘Course, they could be just “shinin’ me on, too!”

~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know if I mentioned Physical Therapist Rose before. One day when I was getting chemo, PT Rose came in and gave me a complimentary back massage. It wasn’t very much of a massage, more like a “laying on of hands.” But she had nice warm hands! They don’t want me doing deep tissue massages right now. They’re afraid of blood clots breaking loose. And, I’d have to go along with them on that one.

She showed up in Radiation last week wanting to give me another massage, for free. I declined. I already had my coat on, I was whooped, and just wanted to get to the car before I collapsed. Did I mention that I haven’t found a handicapped parking spot open whenever I stop at the clinic? So I always end up parking way out in the boonies, anyway. Good thing I haven’t NEEDED a handicapped parking spot, yet.

She stopped by today for a follow-up. I again declined. I told her that although her warm hands are pleasurable, I prefer a little more strenuous massage. She pointed out that my treatments make that difficult and unadvisable. So I told her I would save her the time and her fingers.

She also has tennis elbow (TE)—another reason I declined, but don’t tell her please—so I suggested that she up her intake of magnesium for the inflammation, and described my learning curve with a loss of magnesium due to the Cisplatin, the subsequent pain in my arthritic joints and tendons, and the elimination of my pain by magnesium supplementation. We talked a little more about the benefits of supplementation and she said that she would try it and see how it worked for her. It helped when I told her that I had TE in my left elbow, had iontophoresis, and have had no further problems with that arm, but the treatment of the right arm with NSAIDS and those brace/bands thingies have done nothing to help. Except for the magnesium.

~~~~~~~~~

Please don't be deceived by my bitching some times, Aurora does have some really good people, too!

~~~~~~~~~

I felt so good today that I had a dilemma on my hands. Do I conserve my energy and bask in the glow of less fatigue, or do I get up and do something. I went with number two. And it wasn’t even much of anything. I went downstairs looking for two items stored in my boxes. I really need to get down there and get those boxes sorted out and all the junk tossed out. For some reason that really seemed to take the energy out of me. And it increased my cough. Bad choice! Remind me next time, will you?

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

Long, Long Ago…

…in a galaxy far, far away, back before I was married, I was dating a 'sweet young thing' who had a bad habit. She smoked.

Now, as an individual, you can do whatever it is that you want to do as long as you don’t hurt anyone else. Hurting yourself is just plain stupid. So, I don’t mind if you smoke. BTW, the World Health Organization's first report on second hand smoke indicated that there was no problem at all. It was later that they pulled that report and became politically correct about the issue of SHS.

In fact, one of the reasons I still carry a lighter is so that I can be a “gentleman” and light the cigarettes of women (and men) who don’t happen to have a light. I just don’t really care to kiss an ashtray, if you know what I mean.

Back to the sweet young thing, one day, she told me that she wanted to quit smoking. So, being a gentleman, I offered to help. I told her that I would hypnotize her so that she wouldn’t want to smoke. The fact that I had never hypnotized anyone else before didn’t stop me. How do I know if I can do it if I don’t try? Besides, I was practicing self-hypnosis at the time; how hard could it be to hypnotize someone else?

So, I hypnotized her and told her that she wouldn’t be bothered by the smell of a cigarette, but the taste of a cigarette would be the worst thing that she could possibly imagine. I also implanted a post-hypnotic suggestion so I could check to see if my attempt was successful.

I brought her out of the “trance” and we continued our day. We sat down to lunch at her place, I triggered the post-hypnotic suggestion, and she got the strangest look on her face. She got up from where she was sitting, went into her living room, and picked up the beaded necklace that she had hanging on a doorknob. She slipped the necklace over her head, and instantly remembered that she had been hypnotized, which had been my intention.

So, we talked about her experience with hypnosis, but we never discussed the reason for the hypnosis. I had implanted the suggestion that she forget that part.

We had lunch and left to go somewhere in my old VW. I loved that car! We got into the car and the first thing she did was shake a cigarette out of her pack. She lit up, got another strange look on her face, and stabbed the cigarette out in my ashtray. She shook another out of the pack, lit that one, and tried a drag on that one. (Do they still call it “taking a drag?”) She immediately stabbed that one out in my ashtray and crushed the rest of the pack in her hands muttering something about a “bad pack.”

Meanwhile, I’m trying to drive while observing her, and trying very hard not to laugh.

She stopped smoking from that day onward and stayed off the stuff for several years. She did eventually start back up again, but that was because I hadn’t anticipated everything that could tempt someone to start smoking again. :-)

But, several weeks afterwards, I asked her about her behavior that day and why she had quit. She said that the cigarettes had started tasting very bad for some reason. I asked her what they tasted like to her, and her one-word reply was “vomit!”

Now, multiply that by about a million times for me. As near as I can figure, the last time I had occasion to vomit was when I was a teen, a very young teen. Even when I started drinking, and not having had any training in drinking—drinking was supposed to be a sin for me at the time, and they don’t train you in sinning—even though I overdid the alcohol thing, I never vomited! There was one time I might have wanted to, I fell asleep sitting up with a waste can between my legs, but I didn’t. I like to say that it’s against my religion.

You can imagine my surprise when I almost “tossed” the first couple of bites of my Hardee’s Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit on Monday just before chemo. I thought that it was just the way I ate it too fast or something. Or maybe there was something wrong with the sandwich.

So I wasn’t prepared at all for this afternoon when I almost “tossed” one cracker dipped in some freshly made cheese dip.

I’ve always said that I’ve been extremely lucky that I haven’t had any nausea or vomiting at all. So far. Others aren’t quite as lucky.

But my problem lies right in the center of my being. If I ever had to shoot someone, my cancer, my tumor, lies right where I would put the first two rounds, my center of mass. Almost everything that happens within the body is centered on what lies just behind the sternum.

I’ve mentioned the hiccups and the spasms that my radiation treatment has caused. I think things are about to get worse. That area has started to get sore, and kinda tender. I’m thinking that the pain meds are going to start again soon.

But, I’m still maintaining my body weight, and I only have five days of radiation and probably one more round of chemo left. Then with any luck they’ll leave me alone for a couple of weeks and then do some imaging to see where we are.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

Late Radiation Treatment Today

Due to scheduling conflicts, they had me come in late this afternoon for treatment. I’ll have the same situation on Monday and Tuesday of next week. The nice thing was I didn’t have to set my alarm to wake up!!!

I’ve mentioned the “hiccups” or muscle spasms with relation to treatment. I experienced that again today. And, I do have some pain in the area. I’m hoping that it doesn’t develop into something more.

~~~~~~~~~~

This police abuse issue is developing a life of it’s own. I recently read about a situation near Orlando where the cops told a 17-year-old woman to stop calling them or they would arrest her and her ex-boyfriend just before her ex-boyfriend kills her and then kills himself.

Or how about the Shreveport Louisiana police officer who turns off the video camera while booking a woman for DWI. When the camera comes back on, the woman is laying on the floor in a pool of her own blood, suffering black eyes, busted teeth, and other assorted injuries. “She slipped and fell.” And the officer apparently did everything according to procedure!

~~~~~~~~~

With those in mind, I reflected on my own “run-ins” with the police.

I was once struck in the face by an Illinois State Police officer in my own house. He was looking for someone, and I wasn’t being “forthcoming” with my responses. But that was years ago.

Last year, I had a run-in with a Green Bay City officer. As an ex-QA manager, I take the rules of the road rather seriously. Ask Amy!! So it's not too often that I come to the attention of the police. But in this case I was driving west on Mason Street, which is a four-lane street and was attempting to make a right turn into a two-lane street.

The officer was in the left lane behind me, and by his own words wasn’t paying too much attention to traffic; he was probably playing with his computer. So when I made my turn exactly as taught by my instructors for the conditions, he got bent out of shape and pulled me over.

First he tried to say that I cut him off. I was making a right turn with a trailer. We have to make WIDE RIGHT TURNS if we wish to keep our trailer wheels in the street instead of all over the sidewalk and any pedestrians that are there. I’m sure that you’ve all seen the Caution Wide Right Turns graphic on the back of some trailers. That means I had to use most of his lane to make my turn.

Then he said that I didn’t have my turn signal on and that I nearly ran over the woman who was trying to sneak past me on the right side. I calmly explained that my signal had been on for over a block and that I was watching the woman to make sure that I didn’t run over her vehicle.

“In the old days,” and you might still see it on some of the older trailers, there were signs that had an arrow pointing to the left side of the trailer with the caption “Passing Side.” An arrow pointing to the right side of the trailer had a caption that read “Suicide.”

You try passing on the right side of a tractor-trailer, and you just might get run over. I’ve seen it happen! Yet 4-wheelers still continue to try and pass on the right side. Duh!!

I calmly explained to him that I made the turn as I was taught, and the same way as millions of other truckers make right turns under the same situation. But for whatever reason, he was highly incensed, shouting and waving his arms around.

I had done nothing wrong. I did everything the way I was supposed to. But he was still giving me a hard time.

I called my boss later and explained the situation, that we had an idiot cop in Green Bay. The only thing that I can come up with to explain his behavior was he had asked several times if I had seen him behind me (before making my turn). My guess was that, along with him not paying attention to traffic and possibly almost hitting me, he thought that I should have let him go by me before making my swing to the left to make my right turn successfully.

If I had done something wrong, he would have ticketed me. Since I had nothing wrong, all he could do was put the “fear of my government” into me. I believe that it was Thomas Jefferson who said, “If the government fear the people, that is LIBERTY, if the people fear the government, that is TYRANNY.”

~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of tyranny, Dr. Himmy said I couldn’t use my resveratrol and quercetin supplements until my chemo was over. Which is kinda funny because resveratrol has been shown in some instances to induce apoptosis, which is a programmed cell death. Cancer cells survive because they somehow turn off their susceptibility to programmed cell death. Resveratrol turns that susceptibility back on. So it works well with chemo.

Oh, well! One of these days I need to go on a rant about allopaths.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

No Chemo Today!

Although I had radiation therapy today, I wasn’t administered chemotherapy today. My blood work was too far off the charts for the clinic to be able to sell me another treatment.

Now, it doesn’t surprise me. Carboplatin, one of my current anti-cancer drugs, causes bone marrow suppression. That means that my bone marrow isn’t making the necessary blood cells for me to fight off infection and the like effectively. Now, the low point in this suppression occurs 21 – 28 days after starting use of the drug. Guess what day today is.

Let’s see, looking back in my diary/blog I find that I started chemo on the 21rst of January. So, last week’s chemo, the one I didn’t figure that I’d get from the dosing schedule from my online investigations, was 21 days. I figured three weeks of treatment, and one week off to allow the body to recover. But the clinic went ahead with four weeks of treatment, the last week’s dose slightly reduced due to the fact that my blood work was already starting to reflect what was happening within my bones. So they had to take this week’s treatment off. That’s 28 days.

The good news is that this should be as bad as it gets. I know that you’ll forgive me if I don’t get too terribly excited.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

Slower Traffic Keep Right

While heading to my 8:30 AM chemotherapy appointment this morning, I was struck by how many women were in the left lane of I-43, going 15 mph or more UNDER the posted speed limits. What is so hard to understand about the fact that if you are going slower than the guy behind you, you are required by law to move to the right and allow the faster vehicle to pass you? Even if you are going the speed limit, you still have a legal and moral obligation to move to the right!

From the Wisconsin DOT:

Slower traffic keep right: Drivers must allow faster traffic to pass in the left lane on divided highways

Life in the fast lane is not for everyone, and often it's better to let those moving more rapidly just pass you by. This is especially true while driving on Interstate highways and other multiple-lane roadways. If you're traveling slower than other vehicles, you can help traffic move more safely and efficiently by staying in the right lane as much as possible.

According to Wisconsin law, any vehicle traveling "at less than the normal speed of traffic" is required to be driven in the right lane (or as close as practicable) except when overtaking or passing another vehicle. A citation for violating this law costs $198.60 with four demerit points assessed on the driver's license.

"Even when you're driving at the posted speed limit, you should allow faster moving vehicles to pass. Trying to force other drivers to slow down by blocking the left lane does not make our highways safer. Instead, it leads to more tailgating, road rage and other problems," says State Patrol Superintendent David Collins. "We hope that drivers will leave enforcement of speed limits to our troopers and other law enforcement officers."

The State Patrol advises motorists to follow these guidelines to help maintain a safe flow of traffic on Interstates and other divided highways:

If you're not passing another vehicle, use the right lane as much as possible.

If you're in the right lane, allow other drivers to merge from the left lane into the right lane so that faster traffic can pass in the left lane. In addition, provide space for vehicles to merge into the right lane when they are entering a roadway from an on-ramp.

If you're in the left lane, don't tailgate or try to make a slower vehicle ahead of you move to the right lane. Be patient and courteous.

Superintendent Collins says, "When slower moving vehicles use the right lane, traffic flows more smoothly with less congestion and road rage, which certainly helps make our highways safer and more efficient."

Road rage is right! I had to work my way around five women this morning, passing them on the RIGHT, just to exercise my right to drive the speed limit. And several of them honked at me! They’re breaking the law, and they honk at me! Why do I need to reduce myself to the level of the lowest common denominator?

I need one of these. I’d like to get the GTFOOMW option printed on the back side, though. For when I need to express myself. I have thought of something else I can use, but I'll plead the Fifth!

And it wasn't just women. Although they happened to be the lawbreakers I encountered, one of the nurses who lives in Crivitz said that men were involved as well.

Thoughts on the Police

I started out this afternoon to put down some thoughts I had bouncing around in my mind, such as it is. Then I realized that I really didn’t want to give up my Fifth Amendment rights, so I had to discontinue that line of thought. Did you know that the police will read your blogs and MySpace accounts looking for evidence of crimes, if you are a “person of interest?” And one never knows when they will become a POI.

I see that I haven’t posted anything about Amy’s friend, Brian, who was sorely mistreated by the “po po.” The deputy did finally get arrested and booked at the Orient Road jail and released on bail. Way to go Brian!! I hope that they treated her better than she treated Brian.

But there are a lot more abuses going on out there. Here’s a sampling:

• Here’s another Hillsborough County deputy sheriff taking it out on a Tampa woman concerned for her father who was having a heart attack. I like her father. He’s just like me!


• Cop tasers citizen handcuffed in back of his squad and gets a slap on the wrist for it.


• Ohio woman calls 911 after being assaulted; ends up being held down and strip searched by male and female deputies. Sheriff denies the situation. This one is SICK!! Part 1 video, Part 2 video.


• Baltimore “cop” needing anger management classes vs skateboarder, Same Baltimore cop taking on street artist’s box. At least they suspended the Baltimore cop, with pay!


• Cop arrests firefighter, but at least it cost him something.


• Utah bill wants to hide police misconduct from the public.

Are you sick yet?

There are two types of laws in this country: malum in se and malum prohibitum. Malum in se refers to an act that is wrong in itself, things like murder, rape, and theft. Malum prohibitum refers to an act that is prohibited by statute, not because it is wrong in and of itself, like driving on the left hand side of the road here in the States.

Our police used to be considered Peace Officers; they were here to protect us from folks intent on committing mala in se (plural). Over the years they changed into Law Enforcement Officers intent on enforcing things that were mala prohibita (again, plural). Why?

I think Ayn Rand hit the nail on the head when she said, “There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible to live without breaking laws.”

I tried to find a recording on the Internet today by Jinx Dawson from the group, Coven, entitled One Tin Soldier from the movie, Billy Jack. I ended running through my copy of the movie to see if I could record it from there. Looks like I’ll have to put up with some movie background noise. But a comment Billy made while I was browsing through the movie came thundering down on me today. He said, “When the police break the law, then there is no law, just a fight for survival.”

I gotta get to bed. I have chemo bright and early tomorrow morning and then radiation. And this HTML took longer than I thought!

Kunolunkwa, y te quireo! And don’t forget about your jury rights!! It's one of the few ways you can protect your fellow individuals from police abuses.

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

I Need A Vacation!

I’ve only been off work for five and a half months; I need a vacation. You see, I’d rather be working than going through what I’m going through.

I decided to take a long hot bath this afternoon. My neuropathy is less intense today, but I found out that my feet really were cold; they just didn’t feel cold. So I wanted to soak them in the hot water.

I climbed into the tub, looked around, and realized that I was whiter than the tub! Except for a few moles, scars, and other pigmentation, I’m very white. Even the purple veins in my feet have gone away. I’m almost an albino! So I figure a couple weeks soaking up some Vitamin D in the sun in Florida might just be the thing I need.

I only have eight more days of radiation, and two weeks of chemo that I know of, then I’m assuming a PET scan (I know, I know), and then I just need to regain my strength before returning to work.

I pretty much stayed in bed today. I kept up my “riding the recliner” routine, so I feel pretty well, not quite so fatigued. I get fatigued quick if I move around too much, so I don’t move around much.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

It Has To Be Hard…

…on my son, Ben. He gets to get up in the morning, see me feeling crappy and very fatigued, watches me leave driving myself to Radiation Therapy, and then goes to work himself, not knowing if I made it home, or if I did make it home, how I survived the day. He has to wait until he gets home to see if I survived my fatigue.

And considering I’m not in the best of moods lately, being fatigued, I haven’t played much with Mousebane, which has to bother Ben as well. M-b wants attention and I’m inconsiderate enough that I’m focusing on myself and trying to feel better, and don’t pay as much attention to him.

It’s gotta be hard.

~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of feeling better, I haven’t heard back from the doctor on why I felt as good as I did on Monday and Tuesday. Or about my supplements. Maybe Monday.

And yes, I do have appointments scheduled for Monday. They kept me kinda late on Monday and the front desk folks were gone. Good thing they have computers to cover for their lack of attention to detail!!

~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of foul moods, this week it apparently waited until the end of the week instead of happening right away. I’ve had several situations while driving that haven’t helped my mood. And they weren’t my fault.

Yesterday, I had one idio—oops, starting to sound like kd—one mentally-challenged driver turn left in front of me from the RIGHT lane. I had to lock ‘em up in the middle of the intersection, but I missed them quite nicely, thank you! I always expect the unexpected from the other driver. I watch to see how competently they drive and adjust my driving accordingly. I was waiting for something like this to happen from this driver. I wasn’t disappointed.

Then today, I was entering the highway on one of those entrance ramps that turns into a lane which then exits right away. I was ahead of the driver in the next lane and signaled my intentions to get out of the exiting lane and into their lane. She sped up. I was already doing the speed limit, which is 65, and she speeds up.

I’m running out of highway, she had no one along side of her, while I had folks behind me, and SHE SPEEDS UP to get in front of me! I was doing 80 before I finally got to pull in front of her.

THEN, when I went to make the turn into my drive, there was a bunch of traffic. It happens when you live on one of the main streets. So, some old guy thought he’d be nice and let me turn in front of him. The only problem was, there were folks behind him, wondering why he was stopping with no one in front of him, and preparing to drive around him in the other lane.

Had he not stopped, I would have been able to make it across the two lanes of traffic right behind him. But he slowed down and stopped, allowing the rest of the traffic to catch up with him.

This is how people get killed. He wants to be a nice guy and changes the rules of the road. No one else knows what the heck he is doing. Well, almost no one. With his SUV, only another one, like me, can see behind or around him to know that there is traffic coming up on the other side of him in “my” blind spot. And he didn’t think to check. Someone who is used to doing what someone else tells them to do would start to make the turn, only to get hit in the side.

Just follow the rules of the road folks, and we’ll all live a lot longer! And I won’t be in such a foul mood.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

I’m So Sorry

I don’t have a lot to say tonight. This is what, week 4 of Radiation Therapy, and week 4 of the altered chemotherapy. The fatigue is getting worse. The peripheral neuropathy is making my feet and hands feel like they’re cold, but I guess I’m getting used to it.

I emailed the chemo oncologist. I actually felt pretty good after chemo and most of the next day. I wanted to know what had been done differently so we could duplicate it. I suspect that it might have been the shot of Atavan that they gave me. I felt less fatigue and was much more motivated. Had the feeling lasted through Tuesday, I might have actually done something to get a little exercise and to get some projects done. As it is, I feel like doing absolutely nothing.

I also asked if I could take a couple of new supplements.

I talked with one of the nurses when I went for radiation, but got no answers. I’ll have to let you know if I ever get an answer.

And I just realized that I don’t have an appointment set up for chemo next week. Gotta go!

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

Let’s Just See

Things are just getting interesting. Tuesday started out pretty good. I still have to find out what went right. But last night wasn’t much fun. It seems that my stomach is getting sensitive again. Not really pain, but more like muscle spasms.

Couple that with the gas from the chemo killing off the intestinal flora and fauna and the resulting pressure in the stomach makes for an interesting night. It almost feels like heart palpitations.

I talked with the Radiation doc today. He said that there shouldn’t be any particular problems, but since everyone is different, what I’m experiencing might need to be watched. He might recommend an anti-spasmodic drug or two.

So I am kinda dragging butt today.

~~~~~~~~~

Since Cuz made a request that I post a link regarding Amy’s friend, I will do so. I just can’t believe that our police forces can totally disregard human rights and dignity like they did in this case. Here’s CNN’s report on the situation.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

The Day Started Well…

…but eventually went down hill.

I don’t know why, but I didn’t feel as bad after chemo yesterday. I was given Lorazepam for the first time that I know of. Reading the side effects, I don’t know that this may have been the cause of my improved condition.

As I stated, I felt pretty good; my fatigue had abated somewhat. Even the nurses commented that I looked better.

I stopped at the store to pick up a few things, and noticed that I was getting fatigued. By the time I got home, I was pretty down. I ended up riding the recliner most of the rest of the day.

I talked with Amy tonight. It seems that a quadriplegic friend of hers was arrested. When the police asked him to stand (???) so that they could frisk him, he informed them that he was unable to do so. So they dumped him on the floor! They picked up the back of the wheelchair he was in and unceremoniously DUMPED THE GUY ON THE FLOOR! WTF????

What is the police force in this country coming to?

Keep the Faith!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

“Rescheduled” Must Mean Something Else…

…’cause I had chemo today. Because my White Blood Cells were down slightly, they reduced my dose a little.

~~~~~~~~~

I picked up my temporary handicap-parking placard. Of course, when I got to VLCC, the handicap spots were all full. I still had to park in the general lot! You’d figure that in front of a cancer clinic they might have more than three handicap spots.

~~~~~~~~~

Talked to Dr. P. today. I asked him why he had asked about my sister, Cuz. He said he was just refreshing his recollection of the visit, seeing as how Cuz and Ronny were from out-of-country.

~~~~~~~~~~

I also asked if Dr. P. would supervise the use of the Maruyama vaccine that is currently a CAM (Complementary & Alternative Medicine) treatment for cancer. He said that he would. He said that he has no problems with treatments that don’t cause any harm and that may actually work.

I did find it slightly funny ‘cause the anti-cancer drugs may help but they definitely can cause harm. Remember my “cold” feet, my reduced hearing, and my extreme fatigue?

~~~~~~~~~~

Why would the name Pedro Infante be familiar to me? I was talking with una amiga and she brought his name up. He died when I was six, long before mi amiga was born. No se! Don’t know!

I’m waiting for her to bring her almost 5-month-old hija bonita over next week so I can play with her. The baby daughter, not the mamacita! Although, if the circumstances were different…… But the little girl is sick right now, and that might not be too good for me to catch something communicable.

~~~~~~~~~

I started out the day pretty tired. I had to almost lie on the counter at the DMV ‘cause I was whooped! They don’t provide stools. But after sitting around the VLCC, I did feel less tired. But I did find out that they give me something to make me “feel better.” I need to find out what that is. It’s the only thing I can think of that can account for the change. It might be useful to get a prescription if the side effects aren’t too bad.

~~~~~~~~~

I still have one more hospital complaint. When they did the CT scan with the high contrast dye media, they put in an antecubital large bore IV and left it in the entire time I was in the hospital. It actually leaked while they were forcing the dye into my arm.

Reading the card I carry in my wallet for my port, I found that they could have actually used my port; it was rated for what they did. But they said “no, can’t use that!” So I asked the nurses today. “Yeah, they could have used your port.”

Doesn’t it make you wonder, just a little bit?

Kunolunkwa, y te quireo!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith

Monday’s Chemo Rescheduled?

OK, I was going to get up and do something before starting this, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was.

~~~~~~~~~

While updating my Pocket PC I ran out to My Aurora dot org to check my schedule since they now have my appointments back up and running online. I found out that my labs and Dr. consult are still pending, but they list my chemo as being rescheduled. I wonder if they did that after my visit Friday and just didn’t bother to tell me, figuring I’d find out about it tomorrow.

While looking for a link to show you the MyAurora site, which I decided not to, I found this job posting for St. Luke’s Hospital. I wish I had the experience for a job like this at Aurora here in Green Bay. I probably wouldn’t last long, though; people who point out the truth rarely do. It’s an occupational hazard in QA/QC; nobody likes a nagging conscience.

~~~~~~~~~

I was going to go to bed early tonight because I need to get up early tomorrow. But I forgot that I slept in until quite late this AM, so I’m not that sleepy despite having taken my sleep meds. So, we’ll see what happens tomorrow.

Kunolunkwa, y te quiero!

"As a juror, I will exercise my 1000-year-old duty to arrive at a verdict, not just on the basis of the facts of a particular case, or instructions I am given, but through my power to reason, my knowledge of the Bill of Rights, and my individual conscience. When needful, I will judge the law itself." -L. Neil Smith